Building Love in Marriage: Husband-Wife Harmony in Islam

All praise is due to Allah alone, and may peace and blessings be upon the one after whom there is no prophet, and

upon his family, his companions, and those who follow his guidance until the Day of Judgment. To proceed. The

honorable Ustadz, Al-Fadhil Ustadz Muhammad Nuzul Dikri Lc, may Allah Almighty protect him. My dear friends,

the webinar participants who are always blessed by Allah Almighty. Perhaps >> uh

>> is it clear? >> Is it clear for the others as well? Clear.

>> Clear. Clear. >> Ah. Oh. Yes. Yes. Uh, perhaps there is a signal issue, perhaps. For the others

, alhamdulillah, it is clear. Very well . Uh, my dear friends, may Allah have mercy on you. Uh, earlier in the first

session did the others lose connection too? Continue, please. Uh alhamdulillah . Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Earlier

, our teacher, Ustadz Nuzul, may Allah protect him, discussed the aspect of the relationship between parents and

children. And uh, I have been entrusted to discuss the aspect of the relationship between husband and wife,

specifically regarding the matter of love between a husband and wife and its role in building household harmony. Uh,

regarding this matter of love, there are two opposing camps. The first camp is the camp that highly deifies—in

quotation marks—love. So that they feel that love is the only key to success in a household. If there is no

love, then it must end. This is the first camp. The second camp is the exact opposite. Love is not important,

it’s not a sin, right? If a husband doesn't love his wife yet, or a wife doesn't love her husband yet, it’s

not a sin, so it's not important. So we are facing two opposing camps. Then which one is correct? The truth is that

love is something important for household harmony. Even if someone does not yet love their spouse, then that is

not a sin. So we must take a middle stance. We say that love is important for household harmony. But when someone

does not yet love their spouse, then it is not a sin as long as they continue to fulfill their obligations as a

husband or wife and do not commit injustice against their spouse. This is roughly the summary of the problem of

love in a household. Uh, why is it that when it comes to love, when a husband does not love his wife or vice versa,

they are not sinning? Because matters of the heart, feelings, affection, inner inclinations toward others are

under the will of Allah Subhanhu wa Ta'ala. And humans do not have total control over their heart's feelings.

What is the evidence? The evidence is the word of Allah Subhanhu wa Ta'ala in Surah Al-Anfal, verse 24. Allah

Almighty says: "Wa'lamu annallaha yahulu bainal-mar'i wa qalbih." Know that verily Allah intervenes between a

person and his heart. So humans do not have absolute control over their hearts . That is why people can fake their

expressions, but they cannot fake their hearts. Yes, so we cannot control our hearts absolutely and totally. That is

why when someone cannot yet love their spouse, they do not commit a sin. But even though they do not commit a sin,

It does not mean we should be passive. And then not try to cultivate that feeling of love. Why is that? Because

love is one of the goals of marriage. So we cannot be passive or just surrender to fate. "Ah, I don't feel

love.""Fine, the point is just to carry out my duties and fulfill my obligations." It is not like that

either. Why? Because the growth of love is one of the goals of marriage. A verse familiar to us, usually recited

during wedding ceremonies or marriage lectures, is the word of Allah azza wa jalla in the Quran, Surah Ar-Rum verse

21. What does Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala say? Wamin ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwaja. And among the signs

of Allah's power is when He created partners for you, oh humans, from among yourselves, which is marriage. Among

the wisdom of Allah ordaining marriage is one, litaskunu ilaiha. So that you may find tranquility, or sakinah.

Wa'ala bainakum mawaddah. And to place between you mawaddah, a feeling of love , warahmah, and affection. This means

that here Allah azza wa jalla mentions that among the goals of marriage is to foster sakinah, mawaddah, and warahmah.

What we need to underline is the word mawaddah. So, Allah ordained marriage, among other reasons, to cultivate love.

This means that love needs to be worked for. Love needs to be cultivated. After it grows, that love must be nurtured.

It is not enough to just be nurtured, but it also needs to be developed. The question arises, how do we ensure that

love grows, is nurtured, and develops? What things must we pay attention to so that love can blossom in our hearts for

our partners? There are at least three things. God willing, the paper will be distributed to all of you later. There

are at least three things that we need to pay attention to so that love grows abundantly for our partners. The first

is knowledge. The second is fulfilling rights and obligations. And the third is noble character. So if we want to

love our partners, then we need to realize these three things. The first is knowledge. The second is fulfilling

rights and obligations. And the third is noble character. Let us discuss them one by one. The first thing needed for

love to grow is knowledge. Why is that? Because our religion is built upon knowledge. If we want to pray, we need

knowledge; if we want to fast, we need knowledge; if we want to build a household, we need knowledge. Including

cultivating love in a household, that requires knowledge. Knowledge is like a compass that will guide us to walk on

the right path. Which will keep us from going in the wrong direction. Okay. The first thing is knowledge. Now, what is

the knowledge referred to here? After all, there are many types of knowledge. Physics, biology, chemistry,

mathematics, theology, biography; which knowledge are we referring to in the context of our discussion today? There

are at least three types of knowledge we refer to here. The first one, is knowledge of household sharia.

knowledge of household sharia. The second one, is knowledge about the character and condition of our spouse.

Knowledge about the character and condition of our spouse. And the third is knowledge about the reality and

dynamics of a household. knowledge about the reality and dynamics of a household. Let us discuss them one by

one. The first one, if we want to love our spouse, then we must have knowledge of household sharia. That Allah Azza wa

Jalla ordained the existence of marriage, building a household relationship is not just a mere bond

between two people who love and cherish each other. But the foundation is that marriage and building a household is an

act of worship. Living as a household is a trust whose rules have been determined by Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala

. So we must understand the knowledge. The foundation of a household is this worship. If it is worship, there must

be rules. Now, those rules are rights and obligations. So as a husband or as a wife who wants to love their spouse,

they must understand what the rights and obligations of a husband and wife are. They must have knowledge about the

etiquette of interacting with their spouse. They need to know the solutions when a conflict occurs. What for? To

prepare an umbrella before the rain. Yes, God willing, later at the end of the session, there will be a specific

discussion on how to resolve conflicts. This is the first knowledge, knowledge about household sharia. And how do we

get this? by studying, we get this by attending religious gatherings, we get this by reading books written by

scholars related to the topic. Done. The second one, after we have knowledge about household sharia, then what we

need is knowledge about the character and condition of our spouse. What is our spouse's nature like? What are our

spouse's habits? What are their strengths and what are their weaknesses ? If they are sulking, what is their

attitude like? We cannot be indifferent , we cannot be uncaring. Because understanding a spouse's character is

one of the keys so we can take the right approach with our spouse. It is not always the case that someone's

silence means they agree. Some people's silence indicates they do not like it. It varies from one person to another.

That is why there is a saying: you cannot love what you do not know. Yes, The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam

was very sensitive to changes in his wife's feelings. So when the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam heard Aisyah

speak, even when Aisyah swore, whether by the Lord of Muhammad or by the Lord of Musa, yes. Did Aisyah swear by the

name of our Prophet Muhammad's Lord, or the Lord of Prophet Musa? Yes, they are both Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. But

whose name did she mention? When the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam heard Aisyah swear, he immediately

understood if Aisyah was in a good mood or not. whether in a happy state or an angry one. Our Prophet Muhammad, may

Allah bless him and grant him peace, was very sensitive. And he, may Allah bless him and grant him peace,

explained the character of humans, the character of women, so that we, as husbands, would understand. The Prophet

, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Istausu binnisai khair." I enjoin you to treat women well.

Fainnal marata khuliqat min dilin. For indeed, woman was created from a rib. Wa inna awaja syaiin fid-dila'i a'laha.

The most crooked part of a rib is the uppermost part. Fa in dzahabta tuqimuhu kasartahu. If you force it to be

straight, you will break it. Wa in taraktahu lam yazal awaja. But if you leave it alone, it will remain crooked.

Fastausu binnisa '. I enjoin you to treat women well. Hadith narrated by Bukhari and Muslim. So the Prophet, may

Allah bless him and grant him peace, taught us men, us husbands, to understand that human character,

women's character, is like that. Therefore, the scholars say, dealing with a partner, with women, is like

flying a kite. There are times to pull, and there are times to let it out. If we do it wrong, the string can snap.

Instead of letting it out, we pull it instead. If you force it to be pulled, it breaks. Yes, wa kasruha thalaquha.

The breaking of the rib is when that woman is divorced. Conversely, when it is time to pull but we let it out,

things can get chaotic. So the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace , explains to us in this hadith that

women have a natural disposition. Just as men have a natural disposition, understanding the unique disposition of

our partners will reduce misunderstandings in the household. And there is no need to be too proud to ask

our partners. "Sorry, what do you like? ""What do you want from me?" There is no need to be shy to ask such things.

Some wives say, "Ustaz, I am not brave enough to ask because when I meet my husband, I get nervous.""Well, just

send a WhatsApp message." Write a WhatsApp. Even if you are in the same house, writing is fine. Rather than

keeping questions or desires unspoken. The husband also needs to understand that his wife is shy or lacks

confidence. Just seeing her husband's mustache, she can't talk anymore; his mustache is twitching, you know. So,

use WhatsApp, and the husband should reply to that message kindly. What is the purpose of technology? It is just a

tool, after all. So it doesn't mean that there is no closeness between husband and wife just because they are

not brave enough to speak. People are different. Some talk via WhatsApp, some even use letters. Yes, this is the

second piece of knowledge. The third knowledge is the knowledge about reality and the dynamics of a household

. What does that mean? It means our household cannot stay in one condition all the time. Just as faith goes up and

down, a marriage also has its highs and its lows. Perhaps because of being busy , perhaps because of pressure. in the

workplace, perhaps due to economic issues, or perhaps due to the arrival of children. Those are the dynamics in

a household. So, do not be quick to feel, "Oh, it's over, my wife no longer pays attention to me." Now she is

busier with her children. So he does not understand that a household has its own dynamics to the point that he

becomes jealous of his own child who is his own flesh and blood. This is because of a lack of knowledge. Yes,

how could her attention not be divided? Before she only took care of her husband, now she must take care of her

husband and child. Yes, it will definitely be divided. This is what is called household dynamics, yes.

Especially if they have 10 children, right? Yes, her attention will inevitably be split. This is a matter

of dynamics. So don't immediately jump to conclusions, "Oh, my husband no longer loves me." Yes, even though at

that time the husband might be having serious problems at his office. That is the dynamic, yes. Okay, this is the

first factor to build love in a household, which is knowledge. And the knowledge we mean consists of at least

three things. The first is knowledge regarding the sharia of a household. The second is knowledge regarding the

character and, uh, the character and condition of our spouse. And the third is knowledge regarding household

dynamics. Let's discuss the second point. If we want to nurture love in our household, then secondly, we need

to fulfill rights and obligations. Why? Because in our religion, a household is not just a matter of feelings, but

feelings that must be proven. Yes. So it is not enough to just have feelings. Even those who claim to love Allah azza

wa jalla are required by Allah to prove their love. Qul in kuntum tuhibbunallaha fattabiuni

yuhbibkumullah. Say, if you love Allah, then follow me. Follow the Messenger sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Then Allah

will love you. The scholars say this is a test verse, yes, a verse of proof, ayatul imtihan. So love must be proven.

Likewise, if we truly love our spouse, then prove that love by fulfilling rights and obligations. What does Allah

Subhanahu wa taala say in the Qur'an, Surah Al-Baqarah verse 228. Walahunna mitsulladzi alaihinna bil ma'ruf. Wives

have rights that are balanced with their obligations. It means there are rights, there are obligations.

According to a good way, bil ma'ruf. Yes, meaning this verse teaches us balance. In a household, there are

rights that we receive and obligations that must be fulfilled. And the basis for that is al-ma'ruf, something that

is good and reasonable. For example, for a husband, a husband has an obligation to provide for his wife even

though he may not yet love his wife. A wife has an obligation to serve her husband. Even though she might not yet

love her husband or her love is not yet at its maximum, just minimal love. So do not let Using the excuse that love

hasn't blossomed yet to avoid fulfilling your obligations. That is not right. Why aren't you providing for

your wife? Well, because I don't love her. Oh, no. Why don't you serve your husband? Because I don't love my

husband yet. That is not right. Later, we will be asked by Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala about our respective obligations

. Yes, so in matters of rights and obligations, we should each of us strive to fulfill our partner's rights,

not just focus on demanding our own rights, not being too busy calculating what our partner hasn't given us, while

forgetting to calculate what we haven't given to our partner. If we want our household to be harmonious and for love

to grow, then focus on our obligations to our partner. So, if a wife feels she isn't getting enough attention from her

husband, before she demands attention from him, she should first ask herself, "Have I given maximum attention to my

husband?" If that is done, then by the permission of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala , each person will strive to improve

themselves instead of looking for a scapegoat. A husband who feels his wife doesn't appreciate him. Before he asks

his wife to appreciate him, he should first ask himself, "Have I appreciated and paid attention to my wife?" When

your wife wants to talk, invites you to chat, or shares her heart, have you truly given your full attention to your

wife, or is your phone still in your hand? Your wife talks until she's exhausted pouring out her heart, while

the husband's eyes remain fixed on his phone. Is this a form of appreciation for your wife? In such a condition, he

demands his wife to appreciate him. It does not mean that we are not allowed to demand our rights. No. However, a

household will be warm when each person races to fulfill their obligations, not races to demand their rights. This is

the second point, fulfilling rights and obligations. The third point, for love to grow, we need to pay attention to

noble character. We need to pay attention to noble character. One of the mistakes that often happens in a

household is only trying to improve the relationship with a partner when there is a problem, only trying to fix things

when the relationship is already strained. It is like a plant that is only watered once it looks withered.

This is like a firefighter. Yes, it shouldn't be like that. Instead, don't wait for your partner to complain

before you give them attention. Don't wait for your partner to get angry before you apologize. Don't wait for

the relationship to turn stale before you act romantic. Therefore, we must embody noble character. Regarding this

noble character, there are two aspects. First, noble character in daily routine . And second, noble character when

conflict occurs. Yes, what is meant by noble character in our discussion consists of two sides. The first is

daily noble character. The second is noble character during conflict. Noble character that is part of our daily

routine, intimacy, tenderness, togetherness, the little things that are sweet, which show care and erode

boredom. We should strive to manifest this, both husband and wife. What did the Prophet, peace be upon him, say?

Khairukum khairukum liahlihi wa ana khairukum liahli. The best human being among us is the one who treats his

family the best. And the Prophet, peace be upon him, was the best in his treatment of his family. This hadith

was narrated by Tirmidhi and deemed authentic by Imam Ibn Hibban and Sheikh Albani. This hadith seems easy. But

have we practiced it with our spouse? Just by saying thank you. Do we actually do it? When we go to a food

stall, when we go to a restaurant, and the server there brings our food. We then say thank you. When we shop at a

store, we pay, get change, and as we leave, we say thank you. To people we don't know, we say thank you. They even

thank us too. We thank them. They provide service to us because we pay. Do you think if we didn't pay, they

would serve us? If to strangers, people we just met, we say thank you. How can we not say thank you to our own wives?

When we come home from the office, we open the food cover, food is ready, there's rice, side dishes, and

vegetables. Do we say thank you, honey, before we eat? Thank you, dear, for cooking for me. Do we really say that,

or do we feel, "Oh, that's her duty, that's her responsibility." Try to imagine if, when we give maintenance

money to our wives, our wives just look at the money, put it in their pocket, and there is no word of thanks. How

would we feel? It is the same as how our wives feel when they cook so tiringly, there is no thank you at all,

it's wiped out instantly, not even leaving any for the wife, just a burp and it's done. Yes. Subhanallah, where

is our daily character? The Prophet, peace be upon him, made time at night to chat with his wives, to talk for a

moment with them, to lighten the mood. Do we do that before we sleep, or is each of us busy with our own phones?

Sleeping on the same bed, one facing north, the other facing south. Each busy with their own gadgets. Where is

the noble character in our household? When the Prophet, peace be upon him, had moments of eating and drinking

together, when Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, drank from a glass, the Prophet, peace be upon him, would

drink from the same glass. He would then look for where Aisha's lips had touched. And the Prophet, peace be upon

him, would drink from that exact spot. When Aisyah radiyallahu anha ate meat and bit into it, the Prophet sallallahu

alaihi wasallam would look for the spot where she had bitten to eat from the same place. This is called noble

character, in daily life, through terms of endearment. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam called Aisyah

radiyallahu anha. Yes, Aisy. A term of romantic affection. As in the hadith of Bukhari and Muslim, and in the hadith

narrated by al-Hakim which he declared sahih, the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam called Aisyah, "Ya Humaira."

These are daily terms of endearment that warm the atmosphere. Okay. This is everyday noble character. There is also

character when dealing with conflict, character when problems occur. And it's impossible for our households to be

free from problems. If there were a household that was totally free from problems, it would be the household of

our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam. And the reality is, even the household of the Prophet sallallahu

alaihi wasallam experienced problems. So, what is the character when a problem occurs? Don't just look at the

negative side, but look at the positive side of our partner. Human nature is that when there is a problem, it’s as

if we forget their kindness. Subhanallah. You've been married for 20 years. Are you going to let one mistake

make you forget 20 years of kindness? That is not in accordance with the noble character taught by the Prophet

sallallahu alaihi wasallam in the hadith narrated by Muslim. La yafraq mukminun mukminah. We must not totally

hate our wives. In kariha minha khuluqan radhiya minha akhar. If there is one trait we don't like, surely

there is another trait that we do like. That is called being proportional. Not just viewing the shortcomings of our

wives, if our wives oversleep, so when leaving for the office the food isn't ready, clothes aren't ironed, or shoes

aren't polished, for example. Should we forget everything just because of one mistake on one day? For hundreds of

days, excuse me, for hundreds of days our wives have prepared meals, prepared clothes. Just because of one day of

mistakes, we forget hundreds of days of our wives' kindness. Just because this month a husband is late providing for

the family. Whether it's because the conditions don't allow it, or perhaps the husband forgot. He's only human.

And then you forget the husband who has provided for years. The kindness of the husband who has provided for years.

This is not noble character when a conflict occurs. Then what else is noble character when a conflict occurs?

Don't make decisions when you are angry . Don't make decisions when you are angry. Especially regarding divorce.

Yes. So when emotions are peaking, guard your tongue. What did the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam say? Faskut.

If you are angry, then be silent. Why? Because when a person is angry, they usually cannot control what comes out

of their mouth. They cannot control their hands. Sometimes, some people even cannot control their reason. It's

as if they have lost their mind. Nauzubillah minzalik. So when you are angry like that, don't make any

decisions. Wait until it subsides. And usually, when people make decisions while emotional, all that follows is

regret later on. Especially noble character during conflicts. Focus on the problem and avoid attacking your

partner's character. Focus on the problem and avoid attacking your partner's character. So when we

communicate with our wives or husbands, focus on the specific problem. For example, a wife asks something of her

husband, "Honey, please, don't forget later, okay? On your way home, buy some fried rice; after your study session,

buy some fried rice." Right as he's about to leave, "Honey, don't forget, okay?""Yes, yes." It doesn't end there.

By Maghrib, she texts her husband again . "Just reminding you, Honey. Don't forget my order." Subhanallah. Having

been reminded so many times, it turns out the husband arrives home and forgot . He didn't bring the fried rice. A

problem is a problem. But will that problem be solved if the wife attacks her husband's character? How is that

attacking the husband's character? "You are an irresponsible man. We've been married for so many years. When will

you show your responsibility?""You're just an irresponsible man." That is called attacking his character. And is

that statement in line with reality? What is the problem? The problem is not buying fried rice. Then it spirals into

him being irresponsible. Subhanallah. This one issue is then used as an excuse to attack the husband's

character, bruise his ego, and accuse him of being irresponsible. That is not focusing on the problem. Focusing on

the problem is when the wife says something like this, "Honey, you forgot to buy the fried rice. I don't feel

good. I am sad." Leave it at that. That is called focusing on the problem. Now, the husband shouldn't make excuses. If

he is indeed at fault, "Yes, Dear, I am at fault. Are you okay with me leaving the house now to look for fried rice?"

If the wife says yes, then leave immediately. "If the wife says, 'It's okay, Honey. Don't bother, just do it

tomorrow.' or 'How about you cook for me instead,' for example." Problem solved. That is the importance of noble

character. Including noble character when a conflict occurs is involving a mediator. And Allah mentions that in

Surah An-Nisa verse 35. Fab'u hakaman min ahlihi wa hakaman min ahliha. When a conflict between a couple cannot be

resolved by the husband and wife, then each should send a trusted mediator. So this is allowed when things are at a

dead end, as long as both agree on the mediator. So, in conclusion, love is very important in building a harmonious

relationship between husband and wife. However, when we are not yet able to love our partner, it is not a sin. The

important thing is not to be unjust and to continue fulfilling our obligations as a husband or wife. It's just not

good to be passive. Yes, when love hasn't grown yet or has grown but we don't nurture it. We should actually

strive to actively cultivate that love. Why? Because love is one of the purposes of marriage. There are three

things we need to pay attention to for that love to grow. The first is knowledge. The second is fulfilling

rights and obligations. And the third is noble character. The knowledge we referred to earlier consists of three

things. The first is knowledge of marriage laws. The second is knowledge of our spouse’s character. And the

third is knowledge of household dynamics. The noble character we mean is noble character in daily life and

also during conflicts. Hopefully, what we learned tonight is beneficial for us all. Please feel free to ask any

questions you may have. Wallahu a'lam. Thank you for the material provided. Masha Allah. Hopefully, what was

delivered by our teacher, Ustaz Dr. Abdullah Zain, LC, MA, may it be beneficial knowledge that we can

practice to make our families more peaceful, loving, and merciful, Insha Allah. Alright, next we will enter the

Q&A session. We invite all participants who wish to ask our teacher, Ustaz Dr. Abdullah Zain, LC, MA, directly to

please press the "raise hand" button or write in the chat. Since the participant who asked directly earlier

was a woman, we will now take a participant from the gentlemen. We invite the next participant to ask

directly, Mr. Arul from Bekasi. >> Yes. Peace be upon you, Ustaz. >> And peace be upon you too. Ustaz,

>> excuse me. Ustaz, please pray that my family and I are admitted to Allah's paradise without account. Likewise for

you, Ustaz, and everyone in this group. Amen, O Lord. Amen. >> Excuse me, Ustaz, how should we handle

household conflicts when our partner is currently angry, Ustaz? Meanwhile, a man is obliged to be patient and listen

. Is there a way to resolve such conflicts, Ustaz? I mean, is there a foolproof solution to calm a wife's

emotions when a problem occurs, Ustaz? >> My apologies. May Allah bless you, Ustaz. Thank you. Oh,

>> may Allah reward you. Thank you, Mr. Arul, for your question. May Allah facilitate for us all and our families

to enter paradise without judgment or punishment. How to handle a wife's anger? When our wife is angry, it's

like a spark of fire, and that fire should be doused with water, not fueled with gasoline. What does that mean?

When the wife is angry, the husband should not get carried away by anger. Instead, the husband should try to

restrain his emotions, and that does take effort. Why? Because men have high egos. They feel they are being

belittled when they are scolded. Especially when it's their wife doing the scolding. Therefore, we must

suppress this ego. Why must we suppress it? Because for us men, logic is more dominant than emotion. So, we must

think logically. Do we want to maintain our household or let it fall apart over one or two issues? That is called logic

. So the emotions and ego that arise must submit to our logic, which is built upon the Sharia. What if men were

like women in their attitude? Then what is his function as a qawwam (leader/ protector)? "Ar-rijalu qawwamuna '

alan-nisa." As a leader, as a manager, as a controller. What is his function? If, for example, his attitude is

similar to a woman's. Yes, easily sensitive like a woman. Wow, that's difficult, isn't it? So when a wife is

angry, the husband's attitude should not be provoked by emotion. The second thing, wait for the wife's anger to

subside. At that moment, if the wife is talking, just listen first. Yes, usually when someone is like that,

giving advice won't get through, right? Subhanallah. I heard a story from a Ustaz who, masyaallah tabarakallah, has

—I forgot if it's two, three, or four wives. One time, they came to his house and he shared that all his wives are

hafizah, boarding school graduates, just masyaallah tabarakallah. What did that Ustaz say? Basically, when a wife

is emotional, he said it's as if all her Quranic memorization has gone out the window. So the knowledge studied in

boarding school seems to have no effect when someone is emotional. That is why some scholars say that a person or

woman when she is angry is "inghalaq." That means losing one's reason. Nauzubillah minzalik. Perhaps that is

one element of women being created from a crooked rib. Wallahu'alam. It could be like that. Therefore, we should not

behave like women who are easily carried away by their feelings. The second approach is that we try to wait

until our wife has calmed down. Now, when she is calm, that is when we offer advice, and insyaallah it will be

easier to accept. Wallahu'alam. Yes, >> alright. Jazakumullah khairan, Ustaz Abdullah Zain hafidahullahu taala, for

the answer given. And now we move on, with your permission Ustaz, to a written question. There is a question

from Ummu. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Ahsanallahu ilaikum. Ustaz Nuzul and also Ustaz

Abdullah Zain, >> as well as the entire team and study attendees. May we have advice for

families who have children with special needs so they can remain steadfast and have a good opinion of Allah subhanahu

wa taala in living their lives. Jazakumullahu khair. Wajazakumullah khairan. To the sister who asked the

question. May Allah subhanahu wa taala give us all the strength to endure the decrees and destiny from Him. How can

parents who have children with special needs be resilient in facing that trial ? The first thing is that whatever

Allah decrees in this universe is never separated from His mercy and His compassion. This is the first point. So

understand that the decree of Allah azza wa jalla Whatever Allah has given us is inseparable from His grace, from

His love. Why is that? Because Allah's love is not always manifested in things we like. Sometimes, the things we

dislike are also a form of Allah's love for us. Try to observe the words of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Asa an

takrahu syai-an wahuwa khairun lakum wa asa an tuhibbu syai-an wahuwa syarrun lakum. It may be that you hate

something when it is good for you, or conversely, it may be that you like something when it is bad for you. Why

can it be like that? We like something harmful to us or hate something good for us because our knowledge is limited

. Wallahu ya'lamu wa antum la ta'lamun. Allah is All-Knowing of everything, while human knowledge is limited. When

Allah gives us a decree that is unpleasant, outwardly it seems bad to us, in our limited view, this is bad,

but behind it, there is so much good that Allah intends for us. For example, there are not a few people whom Allah

Azza wa jalla gives the test of having a child with special needs. After being given that test, they become closer to

Allah. They become more diligent in praying to Allah. Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dzurriyyatina qurrata a'yun

, waj'alna lil muttaqina imama. They pray more and more to Allah. Rabbana afrigh' alaina shabran wa tsabbit

aqdamana. "O Allah, grant us patience," which perhaps they would not say if conditions were normal. This means that

here we are opening the door to worship , from which we will reap the benefits ourselves. Not to mention there are

people who, in the afterlife later, will be surprised by the high degree that Allah grants them in Paradise. It

turns out it is because of the tests that Allah gave them while they were living in the world and they were

patient in facing them. When we bring these facts to mind, then with the permission of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala

, we will be more steadfast. The second point, that test does not last long. Until when? Until one of us or our

child is called by Allah Azza wa jalla. And it could be that the time is not much longer. It could be later, it

could be tomorrow. So no matter how heavy the test is, it does not last long. Even if, let's say, the test

still lasts for several decades, okay 60 years, 70 years, compared to the eternity of Paradise, it is nothing.

Yes, this is the second point. And the last, third point, of course, pray to Allah a lot. Ask for patience, ask for

succor, ask for help, because only Allah can make us strong. Wallahu a'lam .

>> Alright. >> Jazakumullah khairan, Ustaz, for the answer that has been given. Eee now we

try to move on to the question submitted by >> there is no sound. Alright. Jazakallah

khairan to the Ustaz for providing the answer. And now, with your permission, Ustaz, we will move on to the live

questions. We invite Mrs. Novi from Purbalingga to be able to ask directly to our teacher.

>> Is it connected? >> Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings,

Ustaz. >> And peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings. Please, Ma'am.

>> Thank you for the opportunity. Well, for my question, does a husband truly have a role to educate his wife? My

question, Ustaz, is what is the fundamental difference between the way a husband educates his wife and the way

a parent educates a child, or a teacher a student, especially when their partner makes a mistake? That is all,

Ustaz. Thank you. >> Yes. Thank you for the question. Just as a husband has the duty to educate

his wife, he also has the duty to educate his children. So, what are the differences between how to educate a

wife and how to educate a child? The first difference is the age difference. Age difference. Clearly, the age of a

husband or wife is different from that of a child. If the ages are different, then naturally the language chosen

should be different, right? So when a husband educates his child, the child indeed doesn't know anything yet or

their knowledge is extremely limited. Thus, the language chosen is also adjusted to the child's level of

knowledge. But is that same language appropriate for a husband to use with his wife, even if the goal is to

educate her? The answer is no. Some husbands assume their wives know nothing at all. As if they were a

little child who is a total blank slate . That pattern is not good. Now, okay. So, the choice of language. The second,

get used to discussing, delivering advice by way of discussion so that the wife feels that her role in the

household is valued. Because, in reality, a household needs both a husband and a wife. When educating a

wife, use a discussion-based approach, yes. The husband listens to the wife, the wife listens to the husband, the

husband begins his advice to his wife with a question: "I read a book like this, what do you think?" Yes, not, "

Hey, read this book, study properly so you can be a righteous wife." That is really not a pleasant way to do it, is

it? But when a husband says to his wife , "There's a good book, let's read it. Do you want to read it first, or should

I?" That is nice, right? Okay, this is the second point. The third, example, that needs to be provided by a husband

to his wife. Education will be truly felt when the one educating sets an example. He doesn't like his wife being

on her phone all the time and he tries to educate her not to be like that. Then, a husband should set an example

that he himself isn't on his phone all the time, so that when he talks to his wife, it will be easier for her to

accept. Okay, this is the third point. Lastly, the fourth is prayer. Just as the prayer exemplified by the Prophet (

peace be upon him) and shown in the Quran. Rabbana hablana min azwajina wurriyatina qurata a'yun. In that verse

, there is a request for azwaj and zurriyah. Azwaj means partners. Zurriyah means descendants. We pray

that our partners and descendants together become a source of joy (qurata a'yun). Wallahu a'lam. Yes. Alright.

Jazakallah, Ustaz, for the answer you have provided. We will move on, Ustaz, to the written questions, and perhaps

these are the two final questions. Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings.

>> And peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy. >> This is from Ibu Kamila in Tangerang.

May Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala protect the Ustaz and the team, and have mercy on the scholars. I would like to ask a

question. In applying the point of recognizing a partner's character, should we share the bad experiences or

failures we have each committed so that we are not surprised if those or similar events happen again within the

context of household life? For example, those bad experiences could be about a failure to be responsible, and so on.

Jazakumullah khair, Ustaz. >> Thank you for the question. Is it permissible to share bad experiences

one has had? If there is a benefit to it, it is fine. But if there is no benefit, then it should be a disgrace

that is kept hidden. Yes, a disgrace that is covered up. Unless there is a benefit, of course. If there is a

benefit, it is okay to tell them. For example, if one has experienced trauma because of the behavior of their

parents who might have been too harsh or lacked attention. So that the partner understands why their behavior

all this time has not been far from what they experienced. If there is indeed a benefit, it is fine. But if

there is no benefit, then wallahu'alam, in my opinion, there is no need to tell them about all of our dark past. Yes, I

am concerned that it might actually reduce our feelings of love for our partner. So, essentially, it is allowed

if there is a benefit. Wallahu taala a'lam bish-shawab. This is what we can learn this evening. Thank you to Ustaz

Muhammad Nuzul Dikri, Lc. , for graciously participating and delivering a session in this very beneficial event

. We also extend our thanks to the fellow committee members who have worked hard so that this event could be

carried out well. And not forgetting all our friends, the webinar participants who also attended this

event, hopefully, you not only gain useful knowledge but also receive abundant rewards for the ongoing

charity that you have provided. Once again, we apologize for any shortcomings. Thank you for your

attention. May we meet again in other sessions. Let us conclude, subhanakallahumma wabihamdik, ashadu

alla ilaha illa anta, astaghfiruka wa atubu ilaik. We return it back to our moderator, Ustaz Abdurrahman Alkhairi

S.DI, M.Pd., may Allah protect him. Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings.