Introduction
Your 20s are a pivotal decade in your life — a time for exploration, growth, and self-discovery. Understanding how to make the best use of this time can define your future success. In this article, we'll dive into insights on how to navigate the complexities of your 20s, drawing on lessons from experienced individuals who have traversed this path.
Understanding the Hedonic Treadmill
What is the Hedonic Treadmill?
The concept of the hedonic treadmill refers to the tendency of people to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness regardless of positive or negative events or life changes.
Over the years, as we age, we often find ourselves desiring more or different stimuli to maintain satisfaction. This is particularly common in your 20s:
- New experiences: Whether it's a new job, a fancy vacation, or the latest phone, the excitement fades quickly.
- Social media impact: Platforms like Instagram amplify this phenomenon by presenting curated snapshots of others' seemingly better lives, leading to a perpetual state of comparison and dissatisfaction.
How to Hack the Hedonic Treadmill
To break free from the cycle of dissatisfaction:
- Delay Gratification: Refrain from indulging in lavish lifestyles early on. Opt for more modest beginnings, like a simple first apartment or a used car. This strategy allows you room to appreciate future accomplishments.
- Embrace Small Steps: Set realistic and incremental goals to help stave off feelings of dissatisfaction and encourage forward momentum.
- Focus on Experiences Over Things: Invest time in experiences rather than material possessions, as they often lead to lasting happiness.
Making Difficult Choices
Do Hard Things Early
As you navigate your 20s, it’s crucial to approach your career with a hardcore mindset.
- Start strong: Engage in ambitious projects or pursue challenging roles early in your career. The skills and resilience you develop during this phase will pay off later.
- Quality over Quantity: Picking a demanding role or path allows you the flexibility to transition to a more relaxed state later in life, whereas going the opposite route is often much harder.
Taking Risks and Overcoming Fear
It’s important to adopt a risk-seeking attitude in your 20s:
- Understand Risks: Explicitly outline the worst-case scenarios and clarify how you would tackle these situations if they occurred. This practice can help mitigate fear and foster a sense of agency.
- Leverage Your Starting Conditions: Many young adults overlook their potential to take risks due to constraints set by expectations and societal norms. Use this decade to explore and test your limits without the weight of significant responsibilities.
Choosing Your Circle Wisely
The Impact of Peers
Your peer group's influence on your mindset, ambitions, and overall outlook cannot be underestimated:
- Surround Yourself with Motivated Individuals: Whether they are successful entrepreneurs or passionate creatives, being around driven people can inspire you to push your boundaries.
- Cultivate Relationships: The relationships you nurture during this time can have a long-lasting impact on your personal and professional life.
Roommates and Communities
The people you choose to live and work with play a crucial role in shaping your experiences. Engage with those who challenge you to reflect on your choices and their impact on your goals.
Embracing Relationships
The Value of Long-Term Partnerships
In a landscape of fleeting connections, consider the power of stable relationships:
- Find a Reliable Partner: Having someone to support you can provide the emotional grounding necessary for taking bold steps in your career.
- Build Relationship Skills: Learning to nurture and sustain a long-term relationship is a vital skill that benefits future endeavors and personal growth.
Relationship Habits
Rather than approaching relationships casually:
- Practice Stability: Work on developing a solid relationship ethos. This prepares you for future endeavors and teaches essential life skills.
Conclusion
Maximizing your 20s involves strategic planning and conscious choices. By understanding the hedonic treadmill, embracing risk, surrounding yourself with the right peer group, and nurturing meaningful relationships, you can set the foundation for a fulfilling future. This decade is full of opportunities — make it count.
By adhering to these insights, you can avoid common pitfalls and thrive as you transition into the next phases of your life. Start today by identifying concrete steps that align with these strategies, and remember that each investment you make in your 20s can pay dividends for years to come.
what's the worst that can happen yeah and you just okay be explicit this happens okay well if that happens yeah
then what can you do could you go get a job they're like yes and I'm like okay so the worst
20s yeah we are as people who are no longer in their 20s yeah we're qualified extremely people on the internet man
have all the answers on how to live your life that's we're Elder Millennials in all honesty I think that uh we see a lot
of young people at YC become really successful and so there are some lessons that probably can be pulled out and they
would apply to people who might not even ever want to do a startup so where would you start how about how about here do
you know what the honic treadmill is friends it's this thing where no matter what's going on in your life you will
get used to it yes and so when you get a new cool thing when you're a kid and you get a new toy you're like wow this toy
is awesome what a great Christmas I'll never want for anything again and then two days later you're like oh yeah this
toy sucks it's just I want more new stuff and so whenever you get new things whenever you get new rewards you get
used to them and they no longer are awesome the way you thought they would be once you get them okay and so the
treadmill is you're always trying to walk forwards on achieving new goals or getting new stuff yes and it never feels
satisfying and you just keep running on the treadmill forever okay well and I think that there's some dangerous honic
really awkward way because it's like everyone's sharing videos and photos of them living their absolute best life
yeah it's fake like they're they're clipping the 0 one% of their lives that are awesome and they're putting on a
site and you're like wow everyone is living a more awesome life than me like every day every day all the time my life
sucks and and it changes kind of what you think your goal should be so I and it what's what's sad and unfortunate is
that like there's only so many I mean wow this going to sound really depressing there only so many good
things there's only so many toys yeah this isn't a speedrun to get through them and you know you know people who
grow up super rich like have this problem of like oh crap like I already did all the fun stuff and I have a lot
more Life to Live oh man this sucks so we definitely people screw that up in their 20s and we're arguing we are
arguing that there is a way to hack this there's a way to hack the atomic treadmill it doesn't mean you shouldn't
to give yourself room and upside yes so there's always more steps for you to climb in the future versus speed running
it and getting it all at once yes so for example you gave this example the first place you live after college yeah should
not be much nicer than your dorm room yeah even if you got a job in Facebook and you can afford
it and and the reason is you're living you're leaving yourself a lot more upside there yes um your first vacations
should probably not be that nice um there are lots of examples your first car is probably not be that nice I think
this in so many areas and um I think that like if you can get those honic distractions um a little bit out of your
20s you can focus on other stuff what should people be focusing on the best way I've heard this uh said is to do the
most hardcore thing early in your career because you can always mellow out you can always pull the rip cord and do less
hard things yes it's very hard to go the way other way around like if you've been on mellow chill mode and then you decide
you want to be very ambitious and hardcore much hard to do it that way why do people it's it's interesting to me
because that seems obvious that seems like obvious advice but I also feel like people are like afraid of it someh no I
think you're bombarded with you want to have a good work life balance I think I think you're actually bombarded with
like you might burn out the opposite of that right it's it's weird I found these messages very confusing when I was
younger well it's I I might argue maybe I was just kind of in in a weird bubble but I feel like I hear those m messages
now I didn't hear those messages then like almost all of my friends were trying hard but now it does it almost
feels like oh if you try too hard you'll pull a muscle yeah which is so weird it's kind of like oh if you run too hard
when you're young you'll hurt yourself versus like you'll definitely hurt yourself when you're old and you AR like
being young is when you actually how about to Riff on it this way yeah if you choose to go to med school that is a
hardcore thing and once you get your md you could be a more mellow doctor you don't have to be
crazy do you could be like a parttime plastic surgeon once you go through med school so you're doing the hardly and
you a lot of choices same thing with law school I would say some same thing with people that work at hedge funds or
investment Banks but I think a lot of people that opt into other careers do the less hardcore thing and again maybe
they should maybe if you want to be a novelist you should be a really hardcore novelist in your 20s and write a lot
yeah yeah and so I think regardless of the career you're going down yeah the more hardcore path just gives you more
option it when you're when you're older and I think this comes back to a point we talk about a lot which is that like
you don't really know your capacity yep don't speedrun all the fancy things in life and do hard early get used to
it get comfortable I think the third thing that comes up a lot in your 20s is it's an opportunity to be risk seeking
versus risk avoing and it's hard to contextualize how much of your life you'll spend being risk avoided yep but
it's like your kids you have a mortgage you have elderly parents you yourself are elderly you
are less willing to take risk so most people in their 20s don't have any of those things to worry about um or many I
shouldn't even say most yet sometimes it seems like they're not taking as much risk yeah what what do you think's going
on there from talking to Founders a lot of them are told by their parents to not do something risky and to not take
career risk in their 20s again I'm not really sure EX where that's coming from but doing a startup is seen as risky
like you can destroy your life if you do a startup yeah or something like that so I think it's fear and again perhaps
Justified I don't really get it this is the thing that always gets me it's it's it's not the idea that you get a job and
you can do that job at that company for the rest of your life is already been disproven yeah like so it's like I
today like I build there until I'm 60 like probably not sorry and so I think the other thing that happens when people
think about risk is they have to test themselves it's hard to kind of know what you're made of it's easy to like
Think You Know What You're Made Of and never test it then to actually be out there in uncomfortable area and like
have to put I think one good exercise you could do on that point whenever people talk about risk or they're
worried about it is I encourage them to just be like okay well let's talk about it what's the worst that can happen yeah
and you just okay be explicit this happens okay well if that happens then what can you do could you go get a job
they're like yes and I'm like okay so the worst case like it's like I would just I
advise this for everybody out there yeah you know talk through explicitly what the worst thing that could happen if you
take a risk is and it might not sound as bad as you think once you name it once you talk about it explicitly well and
and here's the interesting thing because we're making this for General audience I want to leave open the door that maybe
it it is really bad yeah right like and if it really is bad don't take risk don't take the risk like we're not
saying you should always no matter what starting conditions be R risk-seeking I think what we're trying to say is there
are a lot of people who their starting conditions would allow them to be risk-seeking but they don't realize it
yep and that's or they realize later and they're like wow yeah whoops like that was dumb yeah that's a tricky one you
brought up parents I think it's probably worth revisiting um we're parents yep it's hard to not
want to have a vision for your kids yeah it's hard to not have expectations it's hard to not have dreams and maybe
they're not like oh I want them to be a doctor right for some people it is but it's hard to not have that right it's
hard to not feel responsible yeah but your 20s is really the first moments where your plan's kind of your own if
you're following your parents plan you chose that like right when you're 14 if you're
following your parents plan maybe your parents chose that yeah but when you're 23 and you're following your like that's
your are you living your own life for the expectations of you yeah because at some point you're going to wake up and
realize this is my plan this is my life yeah yeah and I think what's interesting is like maybe your parents plan's great
maybe it's bad like who knows but um I think there are a lot of people who kind of look back and they're like oh I
didn't question my plan enough in my 20s yeah like I woke up in my 30s and was like wait did I really like the path
that I walk did I ever spend a lot of time thinking about what do I want that or not and then they realize in their
30s like that's a little some of that's baked yep I think the biggest Point around these lines is also peers yes and
who you spend time with like I I always like to reference your personality is just an amalgam of whatever the six or
seven people you spend the most time with yeah and a lot of the things that we think are our own ideas is or our own
identity is no it's not it's just your like this is you just soaked it up from your peer group and so to the
extent you're thoughtful about who you're spending time with and asking are they making me better yeah am I around
people that make me more optimistic yeah that make me want to do things that is kind of a a big factor into all the life
decisions we make it's funny think about how much of our lives are dictated by who we get randomly assigned as
roommates in college huge like is there any bigger decision in what yeah what kind of person you grow
up to be is like random roommate assignments like freshman year okay big deal and so this is hackable kind of
like the honic treadmill yeah you could choose to spend more time with different people based on who you want to be more
like we're not trying to say your friends are bad what we're trying to say is like if you want something different
like if you want to change if you want to do a startup having more friends that are startup
people that won't be like startups are dumb startups are risky why would you want to do that and instead of like oh
yeah I'm doing a startup 2 do you see how that would yeah like everyone becomes a Centrist in whoever they're
surrounded by and so if you're surrounded by extremists on any topic you'll think you're a Centrist but
you're actually an extremist yeah and so startups aren't weird at all in certain friend groups and in some friend groups
they don't get it yeah and it's tricky because it's like you know we don't want to make this corporate and transaction
it's just more like hey know how powerful those people are around you and like understand a hack to changing your
life is changing those people um and hey changing those people might require changing where you work changing where
you live um moving to a different city like one of the nice things about your 20s is you can make big decisions like
that and they usually only impact yourself yep you can move to a foreign country you can move to the big city you
can get a job where you don't know anyone yeah period yeah and that's no big deal in the 20s everyone's doing
that and I will say you this um your really good friendships Will Survive like your really good friendships you
can talk to that person once or twice a year you can see them once every 3 four years and they'll stay your friends so
you're not maybe risking as much as you think you are by changing where you live or who you're living with or what
industry and what job you're not changing as much as you think you are um I know it seems scary let's move to
relationships uh Dalton challenged me to to offer what I might be might say is a controversial piece of advice and one
controversial piece of advice I would have is I think you should seek long-term relationships in your 20s I
think a lot of people would say oh you don't want to get tied down with a partner and like yada yada Y and I'm not
saying like get married buy houses have kids I'm saying I think that there is something
really powerful about having a strong partner especially when you're trying to do hardcore things and you're trying to
work really hard and work in maximum effort I think then having a really good partner actually unlocks some of the
gears I think having someone to come home to that you really enjoy being around kind of recharges you faster um I
also think being in the practice of being in stable relationships is good like it is a good hobby to develop
that's your future self will enjoy that you are you you like stable relationships um and I think that the
opposite hobby can harm right like the person who never wants aable relationships that just wants to be on
Tinder that like doesn't ever want to be tied down I'd argue that like that ghosts everyone yeah conly yes that's
like is trying to do fomo every minute right you're kind of training your body at the wrong lessons like if you do
aspire to have a family one day you know just you can start orienting yourself in that direction in
your 20s or you can like create debt for yourself in the 20s I'd argue the debt thing is harder um so yeah that would be
my controversial piece of advice what's left what what are our final pieces of advice let's let's rebut ourselves so so
Michael what do you guys know this is all startup advice yeah most people don't want to start a startup why is any
of this relevant to me as a person that doesn't want to do a startup that's watching this video well and and I think
this what's interesting is I think that we're not trying to presuppose what you want to do with your life I think we're
kind of trying to say hey if you have something tricky you want to accomplish here are some tricks that can help you
and I think that there's a lot um of commonality between the startup founder experience and the experience of someone
who wants to do anything that's really hard I think the scary thing that people don't want to hear is that investments
in your 20s pay off for the rest of your life yeah they don't want to hear that whether they're good or bad
Investments like and it's like I think anyone who lived through a childhood where you're kind of told hey every door
is open to you it's a world of opportunities Hate's being told hey this decade doors start
closing like that no not feel gooda no no but it's true but it's truth man it's truth all
right um other common or buttal questions oh well what if you know I have debt or I have to support people
like you guys are giving all this advice this is just not applicable to me this is not applicable to most people you
know so I think that like that is certainly true I think that there are a lot of people out there that have
extremely specific limitations hell you know hey some people are stuck in a country and they can't get out I would
say once again this is not go do a startup startups are for everyone like that's not what we're trying to say what
we're trying to say is that like doing maximum effort is probably the only way you get yourself out of a not great
amarate them you can make them slightly better if you work really really hard one of the things I've noticed is that
the people who are the most I don't know like who who who have the most challenges like when they can
victims crazy can happen in their lives you know like crazy Can Happen by just switching what's in their
head so um yeah like you might not be able to apply to YC you might not be able to move you might not like fine
yeah but like there's probably something in your life that you can apply one of these lessons to that is a chance of
making things a little bit better and think the last thing that comes up and this definitely comes in the context of
YC like you know what if I didn't go to a good school I feel as though the people who went to a good school they
still have a lot of doors open I'm getting out in the working place and I don't see the doors trying to identify
what companies or workplaces have the most interesting people doing the work you're most interested in again even if
it's not a tech start at again it could be like a magazine or something you know any but where you're like wow this is
really good work they're putting out yes I would try to get any job there yeah cuz once you're in the room yeah once
you get into an organization you will get to meet and be around all these other people and soak up the culture and
there's so many people I know in Silicon Valley that didn't go to a good school yeah that just got in the door somewhere
yes with any kind of random job yes and once they were in there their intellect and their skills and their abilities
allowed them to win people over yeah and then they're good you're giving subtle advice here because this isn't this
isn't go get this brand on your resume um this isn't oh go get a job at Facebook like this
is where are the super talented people and can you get yourself around them yep and what's interesting is that like many
cases super talented people aren't at the big companies um or if they are they're not at every part of the big
company and so um many times super talented people are at the beginning of stuff yeah where getting in is easier
well this is what's funny about smaller startups is they're not famous yet they are risky yeah but you could get higher
there like it's not as hard to get higher there is the larger places yeah um but then you're like right in the pit
of the craziness when you work in an earlier stage startup yeah I mean we had a an intern um at my startup that went
tens of millions of dollars in Revenue yep and did not go to good school I remember when he was applying for the
job he was working as a security guard for a Housing Development yep that was his job how did he get hired at your
company you know we wanted someone to be a Content moderator and he we were like what are your
qualifications he's like well my qualification is um I'm the security guard and I work basically the gate and
it's like a college kind of housing community and nights and weekends are just crazy and I'm and I'm
just like you know you're hired I it wasn't you're hired we didn't hire him to be a community director but it was
definitely like you're putting your best foot forward and that sounds hard like actually
like I I've been one of those kids like yeah like you you you've done some hard and then what I would say is man
like getting in the game is as simple as like like yeah CU once he got into your startup then he was
hanging out with you guys like all the founders yeah just you're in the game you're in the game and I think this is
what's so cool about startups is that like man small startups you know they might say oh we're looking at people who
only went to this school or only got this job but like you know humans are reading every email like you know there
isn't a machine like if it's a 20 person startup five person startup it's like your email got red
and man when people are in those startups and they're desperate they're open to giving people opportunities so
to wrap this up um probably the overall tldr we're trying to share with you is man don't be the 30-year-old who
wakes up and says what happened to my 20s again this is one of those things like you know hard life troops life does
move years don't come back and most of the most successful people we know they were laying that foundation in
Heads up!
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