Mastering Effective Sentence Writing: Unity, Coherence, and Emphasis

assalamualaikum welcome to Virtual University last time we looked at

the different types of sentences simple compound and complex in today's lesson we will focus on

writing effective sentences by looking at issues like Unity coherence and emphasis in a sentence

what is it that makes sentences effective there are three elements which make for

Effectiveness in sentences and those are unity coherence and emphasis

by unity we mean that every part of a sentence or a composition it must contribute to

one main unifying thought by unity we mean that every part of a sentence or composition must contribute

to one main unifying thought and by coherence we mean that the various parts of a sentence

must follow one another in an order which makes their relationship clear it is the way the sentences follow one

another that makes for coherence and by emphasis we mean that the most

important parts of a sentence must be so placed that attention is directed toward them rather than less important parts

when we talk about emphasis in a sentence or in a composition we mean that the most important parts of

a sentence or a composition must be so placed that attention is directed toward them

the important parts rather than towards the less important part or parts now we look at Unity first

a good sentence should have Unity that is it must Express one main idea

although a sentence may contain more than one fact all the facts must remain relate to the

main idea example take this sentence the models were all dressed in the

latest fashions and many of them are unemployed now this sentence is a good example of a

sentence that lacks Unity this sentence does not have Unity why because the first Clause the first part

tells us about the model's clothing while the second one mentions unemployment

the two different ideas don't belong together in one sentence they should be stated in two separate

sentences and this sentence is a sample of a sentence that lacks

Unity now Unity can be violated or disturbed

in a number of ways number one by combining unrelated ideas

number two by putting too many ideas or details in a single sentence and number three

failure to complete an idea or a grammatical Construction number four

by subordination and number five parallelism parallelism now I shall

explain these as we move on but remember I have I have just counted five ways in which Unity

is violated the first one by combining unrelated ideas

and you have the example of this sentence the students at the college use a great deal of abusive

language and they are from all parts of the country this is a classic example of the kind of

sentences that our students right now the sentence

is fine there's nothing wrong with it grammatically but it is not an effective sentence because

the writer has gone and combined two totally unrelated ideas now the second way

in which sentences uh violate

the unity is that when you put too many ideas or details in a single sentence and that distracts the reader from the

main thought of the sentence example reading his Daily newspaper that morning

standing at the crowded bus stop the morning sun just lighting up the tops of the high-rise buildings and making the

sleepy-eyed people shade their eyes made a great impression on me no

what was wrong with that sentence that sentence had too many details it talked about the the reading of the

newspaper it talked about standing in the crowded uh bus stop uh talked about the morning sun and it talked about the

buildings and it talked about people being sleepy-eyed etc etc and all in one sentence that is a sample of a badly

written sentence the third mistake that

writers often make especially students is that they fail to complete the construction

they fail to complete the idea or the grammaticals construction

and such sentences are the result of carelessness on the part of the writer who thinks

that the reader the reader will have no objection to filling in the gaps in the thought

now why should the reader it only confuses the reader look at the example

this is such a heavy chair one sentence this is such a heavy chair here the writer has not completed

the structure he has not completed the idea as well look at the other example I was so

pleased about the letter one sentence I was so pleased third the news is too wonderful the news

is too wonderful now all these expressions can be improved by adding a statement or

a clause or substituting another word for such so

and to for example in the first sentence the first 40 sentence was this is such a

heavy chair now here the construction is not complete you must either say

why was it so heavy why was it such a heavy chair so you will have to add something on you

will have to add that it is not easy to carry something like that this is such a heavy chair that it is not easy to carry

and you have a complete good sentence the second example I was so pleased about about the letter well

what was there to be so pleased about it you haven't completed the writer hasn't completed the sentence so the writer

should have said either that I ran to tell my mother that that I uh I was um you know you can say something like that

tears came to my eyes you have to complete the thought as well as the construction so you can improve

that sentence by saying by writing I was so pleased about the letter that I ran to my mother

ran to tell my mother right the third one the news is too wonderful

all right well why why is it too wonderful you have to tell something about

two the bit the word to say something about it you can say that

the news is too wonderful to be believed complete sentence complete thought complete Construction

or you can say the news is indeed wonderful right now these were examples of

sentences that were not grammatically correct they that they that didn't have a good

uh a complete thought now some Clauses Express complete thoughts and others do not

those that Express complete thoughts are independent or main clauses others are called dependent or subordinate clauses

we came across this phrase in our last lecture dependent ideas dependent statements dependent clauses and you can

also use the word subordinate again subordinate means something that is that is dependent on others now if a

sentence contains not one single thought but a complete thought containing a number of constituent thoughts

then you have to decide which of the several ideas is the main idea and which idea or ideas are subordinate and then

so construct the sentence that the subordinate thoughts will give emphasis to the main thought

now when you place the main or principle thought in a subordinate position

the unity of the sentence is destroyed now whatever I've said it will become clear in this

example you see this sample sentence on your screen

the fielder in the slips drop the third catch when the match was definitely lost now that sentence is not

a good sentence why because the main thought you have put it in a subordinate

position you can improve this sentence by saying when the fielder in the slips drop the

third catch the match was definitely lost now here the match was definitely lost is the

principle or the main thought the main idea right and in the faulty sentence

the sample that you were given the writer had put had reversed the order

when the match was well no it was when the Fielder dropped the catch that the match was definitely lost

consider a few more statements take this one he was born of poor parents

he was obliged to work his way through college he graduated with honors at the head at the head of his class

now in this group of statements two of them may be subordinated to the third two

statements are dependent you can make them dependent

and the third one can be one of them can be the main one no you can do it this way by using

dependent words although he was born of poor parents and join it with a joining conjunction

with a joining word and was obliged to work his way through college comma

he graduated with honors at the head of his class now over there the main

principle thought is he graduated with honors at the head of his class and the other two

have been subordinated to the main idea now we will have a short practice exercise and exercise for practice sake

so that you learn to write learn to differentiate subordinate thoughts from the main

thoughts you have a group of sentences a number of sentences

and these can they are faulty they can be improved by using the correct connective the joining word and

making the subordinate thought give emphasis to the main thought look at the first example

it's a faulty Construction I was reaching down to pick up my cap just as I saw the two snakes

it's not a good sentence you can improve this by

using a joining word or you can use

the right dependent word and over here I think the best would be just just as I

was reaching down to pick up my cap I saw the two snakes look at the next one

we came within sight of the village when our car suddenly caught fire the main idea is our our car suddenly

caught fire you can make the other ones subordinate by using

when using the dependent word when when we came within sight of the village our car

suddenly got fire number three because he has been to college is no

sign he is cultured because he has been to college is no sign he is cultured

now this sentence can be improved by using the phrase the fact that the fact

that he has been to college is no sign he is cultured in number four

the main reason I left early was because I was bored now over there

it is the wrong subordinative connective there is a better word and that is that the main reason I left early was that I

was bored sentence number five Mr Jim shade is the vice president while

Mr said is the secretary now over there Mr Jamshed

is the vice president again the coordinating conjunction

that should have been used is and and not while

so a better construction would be Mr Jamshed is the vice president and Mr

said is the secretary now another exercise for practice sake these sentences

that you see on your screen they are all lacking in unity you improve them by adding details and changing words

wherever you think it's necessary take the first one the librarian was so discouraged about

the lack of funds again is the use of the word so

the librarian was so discouraged about the lack of funds all right then you can make this a better construction

by saying that the librarian was extremely discouraged about the lack of funds the word so

is wrong the second one our situation is too wonderful you can

either say something add something about the two-bit

or you can just say improve this by saying our situation is wonderful one way of making uh writing effective

sentences is that you don't have it's not necessary to add something all the time you can also take away words in the

second one the second sentence our situation is too wonderful you just remove the word too

and it'll be a good Construction our situation is wonderful right take the third one trying to work when my

neighbor is playing his drum is such a problem this is again

these three sentences remember we had similar things in in our last lesson the word so such and two

so you can improve the sentence by removing the word such

you can say trying to work when my neighbor is playing his drum is a great problem

is a great problem not such a problem you have defined the word such by using the word you can use a word like great

because such Doesn't complete the sense it leaves something there is something lacking and that is

why the unity is of the sentence is violated take the next one the young ladies were

wore bright colored socks and were kind-hearted the young ladies wore bright colored

socks and were kind hearted now grammatically the sentence is correct but

two different ideas put together they were wearing bright colored socks and they were kind-hearted

what is the connection right you can improve this by saying by writing the young ladies wore

bright-colored socks full stop one sentence and have another Construction in spite

of their odd manner of dress they were we found essentially kind-hearted now

you can have a slightly different version but uh I think that if you made that sentence into two sentences the

young ladies wore bright colored socks full stop one sentence the other one you can write it any way you like and

highlight the idea that they were kind-hearted take the fifth example she is so

talented all right that leaves a sense of not being complete well so

talented you can use the word very you can write she is very talented and

that would be a better Construction look at the sixth example computer courses

have more appeal for the college students today you can improve this by saying or by

writing that computer courses have more appeal for the college student today than have Arts courses

you have to say why computer courses in comparison to the other some some

other course so you have to compare it with something and that would be a better construction computer courses

have more appeal for the college student today than have Arts courses

now these sentences you noticed were improved by adding a clause or a statement

or substituting another word for words like so to and such now we have seen that less important

ideas must be made subordinate to the main idea of a sentence however

if two ideas are coordinate they must be given equal rank in the sentence

and this is known as parallelism students often use faulty parallelism and great care must be used in the

matter of parallel con structure nouns must be parallel to nouns gerunds parallel to gerunds verbs to

verbs subordinate clauses to subordinate clauses etc

etc now you will see

a few samples of faulty constructions take the first one a she told me to look on the table and

that I should tell her what I found now this is of The Fault in that sentence is the

fault of parallelism to look

if in the first statement you have the phrase two lock two the infinitive you must have

a parallel construction a parallel infinitive she told me to look on the table and to

tell her what I found not that I should tell her but she should look she she told me to look on the table and to tell

what I found another example of faulty parallelism take the sentence seema's job is reading

books and to write book reviews typical student Construction

job is reading books and to write book reviews now as I said earlier

if you are using a parallel uh I'm sorry a gerund in the first statement

you should use a gerund in the second one

the sentence was sema's job is reading what is wrong is to write you've got is Reading in the first one and an

infinitive in the other one you can improve this by writing seema's job is to sima's job is reading books and

writing book reviews both is reading and right writing and reading look at

sentence number c he was considered it friendly and people respected him you can improve this

by writing he was considerate friendly and respected by people take the fourth construction sentence d

the couple want to travel extensively and new experiences now you can improve this by saying the

couple want to travel extensively and to have new experiences a

sentence e the professor Drew attention to the beginning of the Revolution and how it ended

as I said earlier they are not wrong sentences but there is room for improvement there they are faulty

constructions you can improve this sentence by saying the professor Drew attention to the beginning

and end of the revolution and not how it ended sentence f

example f getting the groceries taking the children to school and to feed the dog

are his daily tasks again the same fault you've got getting and then taking the children and then

you've got two feet the infinitive to feed so you can improve this sentence by

writing getting the groceries taking the children to school and feeding the dog are his daily tasks

now make a note you have to make note of two things

number one that it is often necessary to repeat a preposition

or other words in order to make the parallelism clear example ordinary sentence we use this

many times a day for lunch I had an apple pie and banana now you can improve this sentence by

writing for lunch I had an apple pie and a banana

got because you've already you've got an over there and apple pie so you need a banana you can

have the word a banana over there and that would make it a better Construction number two that you have to note the

second point that you have to note is that the correlatives

terms like either or no not only

they should be used only with parallel elements take this sample

he not only likes tennis but also God you can improve this by writing

he likes not only tennis but also God you must bear in mind keep in mind that

faulty parallelism is worse then no parallelism at all you should use parallelism freely in

your sentences but you should resist all temptation to force into parallel structure Clauses which are not parallel

in thought right they should be parallel in thought as

well now let us practice

errors in parallelism you will see six sentences on your screen they all contain errors in

parallelism and you correct the errors the first one swimming and to go fishing are my

favorite sports very easy you've got

swimming and in the other half you've got to go so what do you do either you add 2 over there or

you remove the two from it the second bar so you can do it this way by saying by writing swimming and fishing

are my favorite sports not to go one is swimming and the others to go no that is wrong it should be swimming and fishing

are my favorite sports number two I both want exercise and to be amused

again A Fault In federalism you can improve this by writing

I want both exercise and amusement not to be amused

number three he offered either to pay for it now or tomorrow you can improve this

by writing he offered to pay for it either now or tomorrow you didn't have the word

either earlier sentence number four not only were they disappointed but also angry

you can improve this by writing Deva they were not only disappointed but also angry

number five as we were unfamiliar with the root and because of approaching Darkness we decided to ask for advice

you can use parallel constructions as we were unfamiliar with the root

right you had ass in the first part you can use it again and as Darkness was approaching not and

because of approaching Darkness as we were unfamiliar with the root and as Darkness was approaching we decided

to ask for advice number six the boy's face was streaked with dirt

and his feet muddy now you can improve this by making both the verbs

of the same type you can write the boy's face was strict with that and his feet were muddy

right now so far we have looked at how the unity of sentences is destroyed now we shall turn to the second element that

is coherence which helps to create an effective sentence a sentence has coherence when the

various parts follow one another in an order which makes their relationship clear

handling of matters of unity parallelism and subordination contribute to coherence

when working for coherence there are four pitfalls which must be avoided these are weak general or ambiguous

reference of pronouns split constructions use of mixed constructions and mixed

figures of speech and the last one needless shifting from one point of view to another

all these destroy coherence in a sentence we will look at the first one which is reference

of pronouns now when you use a pronoun it must have an antecedent that is it must have something going before

that it the pronoun must agree with in person number and gender you must avoid weak vague general or

ambiguous references and you have the example of this sentence

yesterday and he said that he had the money now over here

the sentence is not clear why because the he that has been used we don't know what is he referring to is it referring

to Basit or is it referring to Zayed you can improve the sentence by writing Ahmed saw Basset and zahid yesterday

and Zayed told him he had the money right look at the next one my aunt's cat was crippled and she was never the same

again the sentence is ambiguous because the pronoun she

doesn't make it clear who is being referred to is she the aunt or is she the cat

so this can be improved by writing my aunt was never the same my aunt was never the same again after

her cat was crippled right take the third one she put the computer on the table which her sister had bought

now was it the table that is bought or is it the computer that has been bought so you can remove the ambiguity by

rewriting this as she put the computer which her sister had bought upon the table

now make a note that you do not treat an an antecedent first as a singular and then

as a plural now what I have said will make clear if you look at the example the guard company is now using coal in

their furnaces instead of fuel oil now what is wrong over there earlier the guard company

is being treated as singular and then in the second half you say their furnaces so

it should be the same you can improve this by writing the guard company is now using coal in it in

its furnaces instead of fuel oil number two the club has done their best to raise the money

earlier it is their best and first you say the club so you can improve this by writing the

club has done its best to raise the money now the second pitfall

is that of split constructions split constructions are words that are closely related to each other when they are

separated they influence the effectiveness of a sentence and you have the example of the

batsman started to viciously hit the stumps now over here

to hit our words that are closely related you do not split them you do not write like the way it is written in this

sentence the batsman started to viciously hit the stumps correct this the correct version would

be the batsman started to hit to and hit are closely related words you do not separate them so write the

batsman started to hit viciously the stumps another example if we had the time we could make some

changes if we wanted to now

usually a slight change in the word order is sufficient to remove the irregular

irregularity in the construction in this sentence you could you just have to make a few alterations if we have

end if we wanted to we could make some changes right now students often get this uh their

their sentences and their figures of speech badly Tangled this is due to two reasons number one that they

construct sentences they don't construct their sentences

well badly constructed sentences and the other reason is that they use

inappropriate figures of speech or they can crowd them together these figures of speech without any regard for

stress for consistency and you have this example of a badly constructed sentence this is the book to which I was

referring to now that is a bad Construction you can improve this by writing this is

the book to which I was referring right another example the author gives the best idea of the problem than any

other I have read badly constructed you can improve this by writing it

the author gives a better idea of the problem not the best idea the author gives a better idea of the problem than

any other I have read so that was that were those were two examples of badly constructed sentences

now mixing of figures of speech look at this example

my castles in air came tumbling down into a bottomless Heap two figures of speech

castles in air and then you say bottomless Heap it would have been better if only one

had been used all right and the fourth pitfall the fourth mistake that students make is

that of aimlessly shifting their point of view from one point of view they move on to another that will destroy the

coherence in a sentence now this can be done in two ways this is usually done because

the writers shift from active to passive within a sentence or from singular to plural or from the

past tense to the present tense all within one sentence take the example he ran to the station

and the train was taken by him that is not right because in the first half

the sentence is in the active and in the second half the sentence ends with a passive construction so you

can improve this by making them both of the same form he ran to the station and took the

train right now look at the next example if one tries hard they can accomplish much

what is wrong over there it's shifting from singular to plural

if you've written if one tries hard then you should say one can accomplish much not they

and the third example the only words that we were able to distinguish a horse and cart

now notice in that construction in that sentence earlier on it was said words we were able to it is in the past

tense and the sentence ends with distinguish our horse and God either make them both in the past tense or make

them in the present so you can improve that sentence by saying the only words that we were able to distinguish were

horse and cart now a quick practice

of sentences that lack coherence try to make them better take the first one Susan and her sister both saw the film

but she was disappointed now who is she the sentence lacks coherence does she refer to Susan or her

sister so you can comprove this by writing both Susan and her sister saw the film but

Susan was disappointed with it number two I wrote and asked my uncle to let me know about the books as soon as he can

you can improve this by writing I wrote to my uncle and asked

him to let me know about the books as soon as he could right take the third one he took an oath

to never no matter what happened reveal the secrets of the organization improve this by rewrite this by

writing he took an oath never to reveal the secrets of the organization no matter what happened

and take the last sentence she is as old if not older than Henry you can improve this by

saying that she is as old as Henry if not older right

the third element that is involved in making sentences effective is emphasis now now sometimes it is necessary to

emphasize a particular word or a phrase in order to sharpen the point or the idea of the sentence

emphasis can be achieved in two ways number one through position in English sentences

the final position is reserved for the idea which is felt to be the most important example her son graduated with

honors we were told now in that sentence it is the graduation part that is more important so you can improve this by

writing her son we were told graduated with honors that is the more emphatic part

take this sentence we you shall be called a liar in all probability now that is a weak

construction you can improve this by changing the order you shall in all probability be called a

liar the important part is that you will be called a liar so that has to come at the

end that should be given emphasis the third example she flatly refused to see him for some unknown unknown reason now

in that sentence it is the refusal to see that person that is important so you

reverse the order change the position and make it for some unknown reason she

flatly refused to see him the second way of giving prominence or giving emphasis

is the order of climax ideas may be arranged in the order of climax but only if the ideas are of

varying importance varying importance example

look at this sentence during his long stay with the club he served as president secretary treasurer

and vice president now there's nothing wrong with that sentence it's just that it can be

improved if you follow an order of importance you can rewrite

this and say that during his long stay with the club he served as treasurer secretary and vice president and

president you are moving in an order of importance and the third way of showing

import emphasis is by repeating words this repetition of important words will sometimes give the desirable emphasis

example the dog was his only friend his only companion his only Confidant and his

only heir now the repetition of his only this phrase if you keep repeating the way the writer

has repeated it it stresses the uniqueness of the dog in this person's life

repetition can easily become boring and should be used sparingly

do not overuse this and this is an example of deliberate

repetition which is designed to make a sentence forceful right

keep in mind the thoughtless or careless repetition of words has the opposite effect

take this sentence they believe that most of us believe they are lazy

I come across such sentences many times in the writing of my writings of my students

not all of them some of them you can improve this by they believe that most of us consider

them lazy and the fourth way of

emphasizing words or phrases is inversion

this is also a technique of creating emphasis here the natural order of certain words

or phrases in a sentence is changed and these words or phrases a place where they will have more striking effect

look at this example poor though he was he still gave money to charity now the natural order would be though he was

poor but by inverting the order of subject and object

the fact that the man was poor is emphasized look at this example I have never seen

anything like it in my life now this is the natural order of words it is perfectly correct there's

nothing wrong with that sentence but if you want to make it emphatic you can inverse you can

change the order never in my life have I seen anything like it so this is a more emphatic sentence than the earlier one

now like the other devices inversion should also be used very sparingly now

with this we come to the end of the lesson I hope it will help you construct more effective sentences in your

academic as well as professional lives Allah office see you next time