Mastering Emotional Communication: Insights from the Unfuckyourself Podcast

Hello everyone. Welcome back to the Unfuckyour Yourself podcast. We are here once again with the membership queens.

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everything like that in their mini Q&A that they get after they get to sit in on the live podcast. You can join them

at any time. Okay, we are continuing on our journey of emotional mastery. We have done emotional highs and lows. We

have done how emotions are secretly like affecting your everyday life and decisions. We have done how emotions are

not your intuition. Now we are diving into emotional things around communication. So communication when

you're emotional. Okay. How to not regret what you say. Who here has said things and then like 20 minutes later

they're like, "Fuck, I should not have said that." Or they're like, "Oh my god, I'm so embarrassing that I said that."

or you lose your composure and then it honestly starts to you know how we talk about self-image healing, inner

self-image healing, like how to get your creator field so that people see your value in a certain way. Well, this is

kind of like the physical action of that. Who here has seen even on TV somebody who has full control of their

over their emotions and they're just like way hotter because of it. You know what I mean? and or like a man who has

full control over his emotions. Like I know we're mostly ladies in here. Like how [ __ ] hot is that? Like that's

like really hot, right? So we can also learn um I know like the feminine is like a lot of expression and and that

kind of thing. We can learn how to have that expression from feeling emotionally balanced and then that expression is

actually going to end up what we would prefer for it to do anyway. So, we're going to be diving into that, how this

amplifies your self-image. So, mastering communication, I in my opinion would be like one of the closest things to uh

being the greatest in the world. Like if you have mastered communication, you have mastered relationships, you have

mastered your career, you have mastered I mean think if you can communicate well, you can get all the raises you

want, you can get all the clients you want, you can market in the way you want to, right? I've had so many reflections

over the years with marketing of like trying to find the holes in my marketing of feeling like I just feel like I can't

communicate the energy behind this. You know who here has felt like, I feel this energy, but I can't communicate it.

Like, I know this is good, but I don't know how to explain it. Or, I know how I feel in this relationship, but I don't

know how to explain it to this person right now. It's because you guys are all so intuitive and energy speaks so much

louder than words. And so, we haven't really learned the words to be able to communicate, but we're going to start on

that process today. Now, of course, everything you hear today is like the foundation of the foundation of

foundation of what we'll dive into in the Unbothered workshop. and then from there of even what more advanced stuff

we'll dive into in later courses with emotional mastery and that kind of thing. But we've got to start here. So

with mastery of communication, the whole world kind of starts to open up to you. And unfortunately, most people have a

different experience with communicating um with people than what source originally intended communication to be

like. It's almost impossible to connect when we most want to, right? With the other

people, with the people you're trying to sell to, with the people if you're trying to grow your social media or if

you're trying to connect with friends or family or your partner. Like, it's a it's gets really almost hard to

communicate what you're actually feeling or get them to do that or convey how you're feeling. um we doubt when

um what we need is uh is commitment and certainty from others, right? We don't know me ne necessarily maybe how to

communicate that in a right way. Um our our fears kind of come up and they they kind of take over and they totally just

strip us from being able to like share our ideas in that moment. who here has experienced that. I always say the

literal only reason I'm like remotely a little bit good at this is because I had to train so hard in this. This was not a

thing that came naturally to me at all. If there was like the world's worst communicator, you would have seen my

[ __ ] face like in the in the dictionary definition like thumbs uping like, "Hey, it's me Ally." World's worst

communicator right here. That was literally me. And so I made it my mission a few years ago um in career and

in relationships I'd say about four years ago to really start about five now to really start diving into this and

like how can I [ __ ] market in the way that people can I can paint a picture for people of the

transformation they can get on the inside. How can I express myself in relationship but in a way where I get

what I want and I'm not like pushing the other person away in doing so. And I made it my life's [ __ ] mission, you

guys, for the last like, you know, oh no, my sound is still on on my laptop. We don't want that. I made it my la my

life's mission for the last like five years to really really [ __ ] like figure that out. So I am here to share

what I have learned and the source kind of level of emotional mastery around communication because if you don't have

emotional mastery, you're not going to be able to [ __ ] communicate because your emotions will be taking over again.

You won't be able to think because your blood you're now in fight or flight cuz your emotions have taken over. Your

blood rushes from your head. You're not really [ __ ] smart anymore. You can't think. You have no more like logic. And

so you can't think about what to say. and they start to feel like you're choking, you know, like who here feels

like they just can't say words? Like you just feel like it gets stuck right here in your throat. Well, lucky for everyone

here, you guys are way more advanced than I ever was. Uh, and you are going to do this so much faster than me and I

really, really want this for you. So it's it's fortunately we have been taught to

well unfortunately we we haven't been taught how to communicate correctly. Um and it's and how we've been taught is

really not the source way. Like who here has heard you probably heard it in therapy. You're like somewhere on TikTok

from someone who's been in therapy. It's like, I feel like this when you do this. Like, who here has heard that that like

formula before? When you do like this, I feel like this. Everyone's like, "Me?" Yeah, that's probably the worst [ __ ]

way to communicate. The second you say you to somebody else, they're on defense mode. You're not going to get what you

want from them. We'll dive into that in a little bit. But we've been taught ways to communicate, but it is not the source

way. And even even the advice of just let them know how you feel. There's an art to that because

again the second you say you when you do this I feel this or you know when you did that the other day I got like this.

The second you say you the other person spikes up. How who feels like energetic spikes from people? You know the spiky

feeling, like the spiky energy, their energetic spikes go up, their heart gets closed, and now you feel like you're

knocking at their door to open up their heart and you can't get in, you know, and that's what what starts to happen

the second you say you. So, as fun as it is to say you and let the other person know what they did

wrong, it's not going to help us get what we want, right? and and self-love. This is so helpful in in amplifying your

self-love levels, too, because self-love is giving yourself what you want, right? So, the bad advice out there will tell

you, don't hold yourself back. Be authentic. Express what you want when you want. But again, we kind of touched

on this in the other episode. Again, when you're trying to express yourself, let's say your partner comes

home from work, it's 6 p.m. They're tired. They had a long day. And now you're going up to them and telling them

what they did wrong. Are you going to get the response you want out of them in that moment? Probably [ __ ]

not. You're going to get they're going to be on defense. One, cuz you're saying you two, they just had a long day at

work. The project didn't work out the way they wanted it to. They just got yelled at by their boss or had to had to

fire a co-orker, had to fire their employer, whatever it is, right? And even if they had a great day, maybe they

had such a fulfilling day where they were talking so much and on and they just want to go home and

relax. Oh no, did I lose you guys? We're back. That was weird. I froze for a second. Can we hear me? Okay, go. Um,

and they, let's say, they even are talking so much at work and they have a good day, but they're expending so much

energy energy, they want to go home and relax. Well, what the bad advice is out there is they'll be like, "Don't hold

yourself back. Be authentic. It quote it is a form of selflove to just say what you want when you need to say it. Worst

advice [ __ ] ever. The source definition of self-love is to put yourself first and get what you want out

of situations. Are you going to get what you want from your partner when they come home tired from

work and now you're saying you this, you that, I felt like this way. No, you're going to get what you want when you get

them on a good day. When you get them maybe the next morning before they go to work or maybe

you wait till the weekend, right? You get them when they're in a place of a good mood. Then you bring it up in a way

that we're going to talk about today of how to bring something up and then you're going to get what you want out of

a situation because they're in a good place. You've now looked at the reflection. You've now learned how to

communicate the thing that you're wanting to communicate and now you have them set up in a place where you're

going to get the response that you want. So that's a big thing of what we are going to focus on today. We're going to

kind of like all the bad advice out there. We're going to pull it out of our brain, throw it on the ground, and like

squish it up a little and throw it away. We don't need it. So today we're going to cover the source

science of what is really taking place during communication and how to communicate

to boost your self-love area of life. And who remembers what happens when we boost our self-love area of life? I'll

give you a second to think about it. What is self- loveve? Can we remember making our self a priority? Putting our

self first. The definition of self- loveve. That's a source definition. So if we're upping the self-love part of

our life and we're making oursel a priority, well, what's going to happen? Other people are going to start making

us a priority. Money will start making us a priority. Yes, good. Other people will prioritize us. Relationships will

start to prioritize you. People will start to buy what you're selling more and prioritize buying from you over

other people or over whatever else they were going to pay for, whatever. So, all good things come from learning emotional

mastery around communication. So, I think you're going to really like this one. The more um

you're going to feel more empowered than you've ever felt and being able to express yourself really eloquently. And

uh today we start kind of the foundation, right? the foundation foundation of the foundation for the

highest frequency way to communicate and connect to the world from like the source science perspective of it.

So, I uh this is one of my favorite things that I've been still am studying and learning and I've had this like

insane desire to master communication. Um half because of intuitively I just knew that all of the

information out there like was not the highest frequency information around communication and when I would try it it

just didn't really seem to like work for me. Um fortunately and unfortunately if things

aren't a source way of doing something they don't work for you know people high frequency souls like yourself. So it can

get frustrating. So I just knew there was more out there. And another reason why I

decided to learn communication is because I was the world's worst communicator. And I would either hold

things in to the point of blowing up then a few months later, like I would literally be like, "Justin, April 21st

at 6 p.m. you texted me this and it's like [ __ ] 2023 at this point." And I'm talking about like 2021. And and

like to the point where that was actually a thing that would happen. So, I would either hold it in and then

it would like boil up and I would get so resentful and then finally it would just like word vomit out and I would just

lose my mind or or I would get really really defensive, start yelling back cuz you know I grew up Italian like who else

here is Italian? You yell at each other all the time like it's just a thing. So, it was just everyone was just yelling at

each other all the time growing up. So, I was like well this is just how you express and me. Yeah. you know. So, I

thought that was normal, but then it wasn't effective because when I would get yelled at, I wouldn't want to

[ __ ] listen to what the person was saying, right? I didn't like respect the person who was yelling at me. So, people

think like like yelling or being kind of like the the hard ass [ __ ] is going to like be effective. All it does is make

people scared of you. And if people are scared of you, what's going to happen? They're going to go into fight or

flight. They're not going to be as smart. they're not going to do what then you want them to do. Like as somebody

who runs their own company, I couldn't even imagine yelling at anybody who is on my team. Like I couldn't even imagine

because the second you do that, they are now terrified of you. Well, now their work's going to get worse because now

they they're in their fight or flight. And if they're in their fight or flight, they have no blood in their brain. They

can't [ __ ] think. And so they're not smart at what they're doing any longer. And so now they're so terrified. Who

here has a boss? they're scared of or who here is is a boss and maybe one time you did yell at someone and then you

notice their kind of quality of work go down, right? They just get scared of you and I don't want that. I don't want

people to be [ __ ] like scared of me, right? I want people to want to work their hardest in their role and yelling

at them is not the way to do that. Patrice, grateful to say I love my bosses. Yeah, we don't we're not yelling

at anybody over here because it's just not the way people it it it's effective in the ways that yeah, maybe people are

then like scared of you, but those people are then not going to be smart any longer at their job. They're going

to literally, if I look at intuitively, 60 to 68% of their work, how good it normally is, it will tank. like you you

will lose 68% of their genius by you know yelling at them or making them feel bad about a mistake they made

or not doing something in the way that you want them to do it or whatever it is. Another reason why communication is

important is because if you're not communicating exactly what you want from people on your team, they're not like

[ __ ] you know, mind readers. They're not going to know what you want. And then if they don't fully know what you

want, they're going to do their best and you're going to get mad at them because of you not communicating. that great and

what you wanted and now you're mad at them and now they're in fight or flight and now their level of work goes down

68%. It's like a vicious cycle. So I've looking back and if you were to look through all of my even past

relationships and even my current relationship a few years ago, there were a lot of problems that I traced back to

communication issues like my partner seeing me the wrong way. um trying to express and communicate who I am and who

I am in the relationship and like if it wasn't going well and trying to prove myself and

trying to like who here has sent the you know book paragraph text to a man trying to prove their worth right like that's

not going to work but I I've done it so me all the time yeah it doesn't work that you just stop quit while you're

ahead I've tried Um, there's better ways. We'll talk about them today. So, that that was me.

Like, you better I deserve more than this. I don't deserve this because of number 1 2 3 4 5 6 and 10 and like

listing out reasons like don't do it. Um, so finally I was like, "Huh, I don't like the way this is working out for

me." Because inside internally I've been working on so much self-image stuff to really make my creator feel magnetic, to

really feel valued, to really be seen as um somebody to respect because I'm respecting myself. And I did so much

self-image work around my own belief systems around like how I view myself internally and then

how I viewed myself internally and how I was responding and reacting emotionally with communication and situations and

relationship and career. It just wasn't adding up. like how I was responding emotionally was like a 10-year-old and

how I felt internally was like this really really elevated high value version of myself. Who has that? Like

you like when you're alone you feel like oh my god like I really feel magnetic. I really feel valuable. But then when you

go to communicate it's like you turn into like you're 15 years old again. And I was noticing that pattern in myself

and I was like, "Yes, great. You guys are going to do this way faster than I did. It took me way too long. You don't

have to take that long." Um, so it kind of turned this into like what if I aspired to be a like top top

communicator like in the source aligned way like what would open up in my life and what it opened up after all those

years of diving into and I still am like I'm not sitting here saying I'm like you know the [ __ ] perfect at it, right?

But all that's opened up and what it's still opening up is all of those years of sitting down and having like

really like like deep thought and deep thought with source and with my teacher and with studying it in the source way.

Studying myself, studying other people, trying different things and going, "Okay, people respond better with this,

they don't respond better with this. Okay, marketing seems to do better this way. it doesn't do as good. This way I

would like play kind of trial and error game with it. And I was able to really shift a lot with communication and learn

a lot in those fears and I still am. And then as intuition, you know, reaches new levels, I was actually like able to

start to see things on a science level, like with communication and uh like on a neuroscience level, like how what you

have to say to someone to get their brain to click and be like, "Oh, I actually want to be on this other

person's side." The second you're like, "You against them, you're done." Right? And I started to really understand

because I can read people's thoughts really easily. I would say something and read how their thoughts felt right after

I said it. And I spent a lot of years doing this. And and I realized, okay, I said it this way. They didn't like that

they felt this way. Okay, I said it this way. Oh, they they want to now they want to now um show up the best for me. They

want to now um do my request, right? like there's a way to get ask people favors where they then feel like they're

doing you a favor and so there's a way to do all of this stuff and it's a really cool source way of communicating.

So there was a when I looked in um about like 94ish% of all human communication is

nonverbal. Okay. And so that like motivated me because I was like well [ __ ] like how can we make this verbal

because you know we're so intuitive so you guys can feel you guys can feel energy so easily right you have a lot of

empathy you can you can have an energy and then be like wait how do I explain this and for me with what I do with work

if I'm giving a re if someone's paying for a private session and I'm picking up information on them and reading energy

off of them I've got to be able to [ __ ] put it into the English language what the [ __ ] I'm seeing so that they

can be helped. So that's really what pushed me too is I was like, "Oh my god, to be able to even tell people the

energy I'm reading. I don't even know. Energy speaks so much louder than words. I don't even know how to communicate

this." So I made it my mission to comm be able to communicate the energy that you're feeling because even if you're

not an intuitive going out there doing readings, you're all intuitive and you can all feel when your boyfriend's upset

and then he's going to say, "No, I'm not upset." And then you're going to be like, "No, I feel like you are." But how

many of you have had that? But you can't communicate the feeling that's coming up, right? And so, but if you were to be

able to communicate, you could be like, "Well, do you feel blah blah blah blah?" They're going to be like, "Holy [ __ ]

that's exactly how I feel. How'd you know that?" You might even be able to know how they feel before them. There's

a lot of times with Justin, because I can read thoughts and energy, I'll know how he's feeling before he even is fully

conscious of how he's feeling. So, I can literally be like, "Oh, are you?" And I never, even though I know that they're

feeling this way, I always put it into a question so that no one's like, if you just tell somebody, they're going to

want to defend. So, so instead, I put it into a question, right? Um, and I'm like, oh, are you feeling like blah blah

blah blah blah. And, uh, he's like, you know what, kind of, yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, I am. And it helps him get to that

feeling faster, too. So, you can use it to help other people, to help yourself, right? If you can

communicate to yourself even what you're feeling and put it into words into like language, human language, then you are

going to be able to shift your emotions so much quicker, too. Because what's the number one rule about emotions? You've

got to know what actual emotion is and why to be able to get down to the bottom of the reflection of it and to be able

to shift it like we talked about the last time. So, I knew there were so many better ways to to communicate and learn

how to translate energy into words. And if you've got the right words, then uh it you can see like in

the in the spiritual world and in the world of channeling and all of that, which you all do, whether you realize it

or not, probably you realize it. Um, one of the the things that you can start to talk to

source and you can talk to other like high frequency beings and you can talk to really any being out there. Um, but I

wouldn't talk to any being out there. I wouldn't advise that. I would just talk to source and like really high frequency

ones. There's other ones to probably stay away from. Um, but when you start to talk to like the ascended masters and

uh from the sixth and seventh realm, and if you don't know realms, we talk about that in other podcasts. Um, but what

you'll you'll find is uh is that they're like it's really hard to explain humans. They like humans are very

complicated because we have a lot of complicated emotions. So they're really there wasn't even language built around

like how deeply emotional that we can feel and be and why. Um and and the reason that that is is

because the human language is so limited in comparison to the things you can see right and the things you can feel. And

I've had a lot of experiences where I have seen things I have uh like you can see things in different realms. you can

see things in people's energy and uh pulling like information but communicating that

turned out to be really really hard right so you hear all these amazing things you

can feel these amazing things you feel all these emotions you have all these ideas I communicating ideas is one of

the hardest things but in communicating them it's like almost seems like it's impossible

So, I started to see things that when I had to explain it like in class or teaching or communicating with marketing

or communicating with Justin or communicating an idea to a team member, I uh

I just couldn't do it because I was like, I wish you could just I wish I could just put you in my brain and you

could see what I'm trying to say, but there just weren't words for it. So there there wasn't um and I couldn't

find anybody who was like out there being like this is how you communicate energy like this is what you do. So I

then decided to you know take matters into my own hands and really dive into it you know my myself. So, one of the

things I want to really start with is, and we can only get so far into this

hour with it, but I want to start with some components of communication that you guys definitely don't know are

there and I didn't know were there. And this is of course like a uh long-term mastery to go on, but we're going to get

to like the foundation of it today. So, I want to start with communication in relationships when you

are not getting what you want in the relationship. Okay. So, we have different aspects of communication

relationship. Let's start with we're not getting what we want in relationship. So, let's

say let's say you really love when in the relationship.

Um, let's say you really hate when you're at dinner and you're whoever you're with, your partner like is now

looking at the other girls, you know, walk by the dinner table or you're in public and they're like, you know, you

catch them like looking around and their eyes like aren't locked in on you, right? Who here has that happened to at

some point? Me. So, let's say you're like, "Fuck that. I [ __ ] want to literally punch

you in the face when you do that." Like, the rage that comes up during that is uh insane. Like, who I Maybe

it's just me. Who else has felt like that rage inside of you? Glad I'm not alone. Yeah. No, you're definitely not.

Um even your dad does that. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like you disrespectful [ __ ] right? You know what I

mean? So now instead of saying that cuz that's not going to get you very far. Your husband on his phone. Yes. Okay,

great. So let's say you know they're you're at dinner. The guy, your partner's looking at other

girls. Which one are you going to get what you want with? Person one. I hate when you look

at other girls like, "Stop doing that, Brendan. Brendon just came out of nowhere. I

don't know who Brendan is, but stop doing that, Brendan. Like ah, you always do that. Like, pay attention to me. Why

are you doing that? Or I saw you look at that girl's ass. Like, I know what you're doing. Like, just go date her.

Just go date her. You don't like my my ass, right? Is that going to that person A or person

B? Baby, I love when your eyes are like locked in on me. Like the other the other day when you were just like

totally focused in on me. I it made me feel so hot like I was so wet for you. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. Right.

Which one's going to work better? Person B. Now you may think, well Ally, I'm not getting to express

myself. You know, when you can express yourself fully and get and get mad is in your own

container, in your own situation, in a group of women, alone in your own house, whatever it is, you can

play F You by Miley Cyrus and just [ __ ] scream and throw yourself around and get it out of your body, right? But

self-love purposes, if you want to get what you want from that man, you are I don't care if the time that he paid

attention to you was two [ __ ] seconds long out of maybe you were in a four year relationship and he paid he paid

attention to you for like two minutes one time. Focus on that time. Remind him of that time. Tell him how much you

loved it. They will do more of it 100 fucking% every time. It's clockwork. they will do more of it. Okay? So, if

you go person A route, you're doing a lot of damage to a lot of things. One, you are making yourself look like

a low self-image person, right? It might trigger a self-image wound, but that's something for you to look at the

reflection of and for you to shift, right? for you to shift with your coach, with your therapist, with yourself, with

a friend. But we don't want to respond from the reflection because the low

self-image person is not who you are. It's just a limiting belief that you have that is just coming up to be

shifted so that you can remember who you are and cultivate that higher self-image. So, we just don't we don't

want to respond from a reflection wound. it's not going to help anyone because one now people are going to see you in

the way that you respond. So if you are responding that way they're going to start

to like oh she's uh not really confident. She is uh like now now even if they do focus in on you it's going to

be a pity focusing in on you and then you're not even going to appreciate them focusing in on you because you're like

you're doing this out of pity. How many times have you been like, "I I want you to get me more flowers." And they get

you flowers and then you're like kind of pissed they got you flowers cuz you're like, "Well, now you're only doing this

cuz I told you to get me [ __ ] flowers and they're like giving you pity flowers, right?" Just like how the

universe gives us pity donuts. Remember pity donuts? So, I don't know about you, but I don't want pity flowers. I don't

want pity dates. I don't want pity attention. I uh do want to authentically express myself but in a way where

self-love I'm also getting what I want from that person. So formula to this and we'll dive more

into the formula in unbothered but the workshop but step formula is step one identify the emotion. Okay he's looking

at other girls. I I feel like he's being disrespectful. Maybe it's disrespectful. Or I feel like he's not fully seeing my

physical beauty. I feel like he's not getting physically what he wants for me. Right. Identify the reflection. Let's

say you feel like he's not fully seeing your physical beauty. Okay. Okay. So, I understand this is a reflection. He's a

He is just acting out the script in my creator field right now. The script is I'm not fully appreciating my beauty.

So, he is acting out me feeling like my beauty isn't getting appreciated. Okay, great. This is good. Now, in this

moment, you're probably you're at dinner. You're not going to be able to sit there and journal your whole [ __ ]

reflection out. Okay? But if you can just identify what it is, it's going to already lower your em emotions. You're

going to be like, "Okay, great. This isn't personal. This is just an acting out of my creator field, right? That's

all it is. Okay, now I'm a little less emotional. Now, step two, let me bring in an emotional mastery tool to turn my

emotions down a little bit. Right? Okay. Maybe, and we'll learn those in Unbothered, but maybe one of them could

be, let me pick a color, red. Let me look around and find five red things around me right now. Well, now my

brain's so focused on that, I come out of my fight orflight response. Okay, great. So, now I've identified the

reflection. It's not personal. It's literally just a script being acted out from my own belief. Great. I'll look at

that when I get home tonight. Two, let me calm down my emotions so I don't just [ __ ] like go off. And then what

you'll do is you'll love opposing forces. The man, you'll be like, "Focus on me more. Don't look at other girls."

You know what's going to happen? He's going to look at other girls even more because of the law of opposing forces.

You say, "Don't do something," he'll do it. You say, "Do something, he won't do it." It's anybody. It's what happens.

So now you're turning down your emotions. Okay, that's step two. Step three would go, okay, what do I not want

him to do? I don't want him to look at other girls. Okay, how can I spin it to a

positive? So instead of saying don't do that, how can I spin it to I want you to do this? What's the opposite of not

looking at other girls? Oh, focusing in on me. Okay, so step three is figuring out

what's the opposite of what they're doing and what do you actually want them to do instead. Okay, step three it's

focusing in on me. Okay, great. Step four is then just going, "Baby, I loved 3 years

ago when you did that thing where you just like like we were like just locked eyes the whole time. Like you were like

looking me up and down. It was like no one else in the world existed and we were just you were

just like really focused in on me, right? And it made me feel blah blah blah. A good feeling it made you feel.

It made me feel like I wanted to cook more for you, right? Like whatever they whatever they want more of from you,

like just say it made me feel like I wanted to do this more for you. cuz it probably did. If they always locked eyes

with you and they want you to cook pancakes in the morning, you probably would [ __ ] cook pancakes in the

morning if they were doing that, right? So, whatever it is, like it made me want to do more of this for you. H it made me

like made my [ __ ] so wet for you. Whatever whatever route you want to [ __ ] take it. Next up is [ __ ] camp.

Like, trust me, it's coming. We're going to go on a [ __ ] camp era soon. Anyway,

so we like whatever it was that that I would say one thing it made you and then one thing it made you

want to do for him, right? So, and then you have he's like locked. He's like, "Oh my god, yeah, I love that." Now,

he's going to associate like, "Oh, if I am fully giving her attention right now, then it's going to make her feel like

this." And men want to naturally biologically they want to provide. So provide a feeling for you, provide a

thing for you, right? It's going to activate this literal biological thing in them. And then two, they're going to

be like selfishly, wait, if I if I like focus on her more, I get pancakes in the morning. Like [ __ ] yeah, I want pancakes

in the morning. So that would be the formula. And we will dive into this is a very

high high like look down at the formula. We will dive into the full formula and like way more emotional mastery

practices and way more specific things in the unbothered workshop. But we only have so much time here today. So at a

you know bird's eye view level that would be what you uh you know want to do in moments like that. Now, the key part

here and the part that will [ __ ] you over from accomplishing this formula is your emotions

because people don't really hear the words you say. They feel the feeling coming behind the words. So, if you are

faking this in any way, they will feel it. It won't work. This is where I [ __ ] myself over a lot of times is

where I would try and like say the nice thing, but my energy was saying, "Fuck you, you [ __ ] Don't [ __ ]

ever look at another woman again or else I'm going to [ __ ] cut your dick off." You know what I mean? Like that's kind

of like what my energy was saying. My words were saying, "I love when you just pay attention to me." And it wasn't it

wasn't connecting. So the thing that is going to screw you up in this process is your emotions. That's what will make or

break this formula for you. So, learning to calm the emotions down so you can properly communicate is key, right? and

remembering the uh stuff that we've learned from therapy or the communication tools we've

learned from TikTok from someone who's maybe been in therapy are not going to work in the way

you want them to. Right? It's to emotions are great and they're showing us something. They're showing us, oh, we

have a reflection here. I love my emotions because they're showing me where I'm out of alignment

with my fullest self-image self of seeing my physical body perfection or appreciating my physical body. Right? I

haven't appreciated myself lately. Right? So, all you have to do is go, "Oh my god, they're just literally acting

out my creator field. This is the greatest gift right now. It's literally not even them. Anybody would be acting

out this part of my creator right now. could sit any person ever in front of me right now and they would act out my

creator field in this way. So, it's going, "Oh my god, wait, they're a great teacher for me right now. I've actually

been wanting to feel hotter. I've been wanting to fully appreciate my physical body. This is great cuz this is an awful

feeling and I never want to feel this again. So, this is great. This is happening." Right? That's even that in

itself calms the emotions down. Then we go to step two. And who remembers step two?

Let's write it in the chat. What was step two? Good. We're just waiting for the

for the writers. Good. Good. Find something like a color. Good. Yep. Step two, bring the

emotional mastery tool in. Right. So, step two is bring the emotions down. We'll have a lot of tools to do that.

One of them that we'll give away here and to start with now is find a pick a color. Find like five things that are

that color around you. Right? Good. That is going to be your best friend. Those two steps in bringing your emotions

down. Okay? Then we move on to the next steps which will only work if we successfully got our emotions down. Now,

there's a many other tools to do so. Again, we only have so much time in here. We will hit those in unbothered

because the colors might not work for everyone. There's other and many tools. I would do multiple at one time,

honestly, to guarantee my emotions coming down. Um, to make sure the emotions come down, then you can truly

get your energy behind it. And what you're saying is true. You do love when their eyes are locked in on

you, but you might be a little busy thinking about how much you hate that they're looking at somebody else. But if

you can get those emotions down, realize they're acting out your creator field, and then really focus on actually

cultivating the feeling of love that you have for when they're focused on you, then say it. Don't say it until you

cultivate the feeling of actually appreciating when they do that. Maybe it takes you the whole dinner. Maybe you

don't even say it to them to 3 hours later. However, this is not a speed race right now. However long it takes for you

to cultivate that feeling, that's when you say it. You want to make sure your energy is behind your words or else they

will call [ __ ] This is where I [ __ ] up many times. It took me a lot of years to realize, oh, my energy

actually has to be behind what I'm saying or else people will read my energy and my thoughts because they're

very loud. So, which is good and bad, right? So that is the most important part.

Okay. Now there are times where where if you're not super triggered, if you're

like, you know, a little triggered, you can take that emotion and turn it into like this playful this playful thing.

Like maybe they look at another girl and you like growl at them, you know? You're like just like growl or whatever and

they're like they're like what are you doing and and you can just be like pay attention to me or or something like

that but you cannot be triggered with that and I I would suggest not doing that quite yet. That's a different

formula for a different emotional thing for a different time. We'll get into it in unbothered but I right

now that's only if you're fully behind a playful energy. You cannot do it. If there's an ounce of anger, it again will

not work. They will they will call [ __ ] on anything that you are saying. So that would be I want you guys

to really start and practice that formula. Okay. Now, when you

are communicating with anybody, maybe it's your partner, maybe it's your employees, maybe it's people at work,

maybe it's your friends, whatever. You want them to do something. Let's say they've never done it

before. Even if they've never done it before, you're going to say to them, "I love when you do that." Right? Let's

say let's say you have um somebody in your I'm making this up. This isn't like anyone on my team, but let's say you

have a team member in your emails. They're answering your emails and they're answering the emails like very

short and like not very exciting. Like there's no exclamation points. They're not sounding like the brand, right? You

text me, I have 27 exclamation points after like every sentence. I want people in the emails to feel very loved,

welcomed, excited to be there. This again, this is a madeup story, but let's say someone was doing that in

the email. They weren't responding in like a happy, joyful, welcoming way. I would approach it. And how COO

Sarah would approach it is, cuz I don't really lead the team much anymore, Sarah does. But how we

approach that is, oh my god, I love when you use exclamation points in the emails. People feel so loved when you do

that. Even if they've never used a damn exclamation point before in their life, you're just going to say, "I love when

you use exclamation points." They're going to be like, "Huh, okay." And the neuroscience, the science part of this,

their brain's going to go, "Okay, wow. I do a good job when I use exclamation points." you. I 100%

guarantee the next time they send an email, they're using a [ __ ] exclamation point. It happens every

[ __ ] time. I won't like give real examples of this in my team because obviously I'm not going to like out

anybody. Also, that's like not beneficial. But it's like that. It's like even if they've never used a

[ __ ] exclamation point in their life in an email for me, I'm going to tell them, "Oh my god, I love when you use

exclamation points." Like they feel so much more loved when you do that. What I'm not going to do is go, "Yeah, it's

really boring that you don't use exclamation points." Or even even people who think they're communicating from a

good from a helpful place of going, "Hey, yeah, you're not really using exclamation points. Let's start using

them." even that they're hearing the negative. Our brains naturally are going to go negative. So they're hearing I'm

not doing something right. What's going to happen? Law of focus is going to happen. So if I'm not

doing something right now, my brain's going to start going, "Oh, I'm not doing something right here. I'm not doing

something right here." Now you're going to start creating yourself to keep [ __ ] up more things that you wouldn't

have [ __ ] up in the first place because now you have I don't do things right in my head. Well, now you as the

CEO or the boss have [ __ ] yourself over because now this team member who normally does things really great other

than the exclamation points is now [ __ ] up other things. They normally do great and now their work has gone

down how much? Who remembers? How much has their work dipped? We talked about it earlier. What

percent? 68. Good. Exactly. 68%. So, you have [ __ ] yourself over. Even if you are wanting your kids or your

partner to help out around the house more, saying you don't help out out around the house

enough. They're they're literally now you're going to get pity help and they're going to be resentful or they're

not going to they're going to help even less, right? Instead, what would we say instead? Who has an

idea? And anyone who's listening to this on the recording, I want you to think for a second. What would you say

instead? I like this. I love when you help around the house. I love when we do this together. I love when we help

around the house. Good. Let's add another layer to that. Why do you love when they help around the

house? We do two W's. One because of something it makes you feel like, and another because of something that it

makes you want to then give to them. I love when you cook for me. You make me feel special. Good. I love how you help

around the house. You do such a great job organizing your things. Great. Yep. I love I love when

you We could even get specific around helping around the house. Like, what do you actually want them to do more of?

So, oh my gosh, I love when you I love when you do laundry. It makes me feel like so much less stressed, like

I have one less thing to do. And it makes me really want to blank for you, really want to do this for you. It makes

me really attracted to you, whatever it is, right? So something that it makes you

feel like then something it makes you want to then like do or be for them, right? And so then they'll start to

associate in their brain helping around the house. I'm now providing you know you to feel special

and now I'm getting pancakes in the morning right they they will selfishly then also connect it with the other

thing so that's when you are going to get so much more out of somebody and when they're actually going to want to

do it for you. They're going to want to do it versus them doing it for you because you force them to. They're mad

about it. they're kind of resentful and then you push them away in other ways or you push them away from like remembering

to do that. They have to feel like them helping you, they're getting a benefit. So, you've got to show them, tell them,

communicate to them the benefit. This is fun. Thank you. I think this is fun, too. Um, okay. Here we go. I love when

you clean up because it makes the home feel so happy and it makes me want to play more games with you guys. Love

that. That's great. That's so good. Like it gives I'm mean this is your kids. It gives mom more energy to be able to play

games with you guys because now the house is clean. Literally great. Like that will work wonders. So that is what

you want to do in communicating to someone. You get what you want, they get what they want and everybody you know

wins, right? and they're going to feel like they want to do more for you because you're not

yelling at them. Everyone, here's what I had to remember. And this is specifically with men. I like grew up

with a lot of trauma around men, which I'm sure a lot of people in here can relate to. And so I see like faces are

like, "Yep." Um, so I remember in dating and especially when like not just random relationships, but like serious

relationships. I've really only been in like two actual like long-term like more quote serious relationships, but in

those relationships, I wouldn't really see men as people. I would see them as somebody who needed to be perfect to

make me happy. And I don't know who here can relate to that, but I would see them as like, you can't [ __ ] up at all, or

else you're going to trigger any problem I had with men growing up, and I'm not going to know what to do with it. Then I

get emotional. Then I either shove it down, don't say anything, and then I yell at you eventually, or I just

[ __ ] blow up on you right now. I'll blow up on you either now or eventually. Pick one. You know, it's just kind of

what would happen. So, I wasn't really seeing men as like humans who also have trauma, who also don't feel good enough,

who also have inadequacy feelings, right? A lot of men do, a lot of men feel incredibly incredibly inadequate.

And not that anyone's better or worse, but sometimes worse than women because women have

been in a in a way taught of were allowed to express it a little more than men have been taught, right? So, so they

um they have a lot of feelings of low self-image and inadequacy. And so the second you are yelling at them, what's

it going to trigger? Them not feeling good enough. Well, they don't feel good enough, they want to eventually stop

trying. But if you are like praising them for the littlest, tiniest [ __ ] things, make everything the biggest

[ __ ] deal ever, right? If you're praising them for that, they're going to keep doing it more. This is anyone. I do

this with team members. I would do it with like I do it with little kids like my little niece and nephew, right? When

I have kids, I hope that I can I'll practice this then too. But that's that's the mindset that you want. That's

the science behind communication. Think about how someone talks to you. What's going to make you want to do something?

Oh, you never [ __ ] take out the trash. Like, can you help me out a little bit? Like, can you do this?

or Oh my god, baby. I love when you uh take out the trash. It just makes me feel like uh less stress on me and it

just makes me want to like uh bring you flowers more. I don't know what it is. It's like this weird thing that comes

that comes over me, you know? And you're going to want to take out the [ __ ] trash. You're going to be like, "Oh,

wow. I love taking out the trash." Like, cuz selfishly, it's going to make you feel good and you'll get flowers. And

then selfishly, you know how it makes the other person feel. So then you feel good making someone else feel good.

We're all very selfish humans. Everybody's selfish as [ __ ] So we have to literally communicate in that way of

like, okay, how can I communicate what I want them to do more of with them also feeling like they're doing me a fa like

they are um getting what they want too, right? How do I get someone to love doing me a favor?

And uh that's the what we want to think about. Think about how you would want someone to ask you. That other person's

a human too. And of course they could be triggering a other reflection in us. What we have to remember though is they

are just showing me a misalignment in myself. I'm only triggered right now because there's a part of me that's

being that way toward myself and they're showing me to stop being that way toward myself so I can elevate, get whatever

I'm trying to create right now. It'll put me in alignment for that. Right? And that's what we have to remember. And

then the other person is also a human too. And that's what I have to remember with uh with men specifically for me for

like what I've experienced with men growing up. I had to remember men aren't just this like thing there to make you

like to respond exactly how you want them to respond so you don't lose your [ __ ] They're there to help you uncover

the things that you didn't know aren't healed yet. And also they have their own stuff too. Like they also probably feel

pretty inadequate too, right? if they haven't I guarantee they do if they haven't gone and done like a deep

self-image mastery on themselves for 10 years, right? I guarantee there's a part of them somewhere that feels pretty

inadequate. And so you um building them up 100% is going to

make them do what you want them to do. Right now, this is going to be a process and I don't want you to beat yourself up

when you fail at it because you'll get this way quicker than I ever did cuz I failed at it for like

years. But just like riding a bike or anything, you will like fall off of it a few times to be able to like tweak your

form and and get it right. So, when there are times where you don't get this in the way that you would like to, once

again, this is a mastery. So, it will take time. Don't beat yourself up because if

you remember to emotionally neutralize, if they're triggered by anything you just said, you are also giving them a

beautiful reflection. Just like how if you're triggered by what someone else is saying, they're giving you a reflection

in order for you to level up. If they're triggered by what you say, you are giving them a reflection. So, don't beat

yourself up if you slip or call them a name or do the X, Y, and Z. Because if you start to beat yourself up about it,

then your creator field will create them beating you up about it. But like if I ever like slip with Justin like the

other week, you know, you're in your ludial phase, you know what I mean? And then they just

really get under there, get under your skin. and uh and I like lost my my emotional neutrality and I like started

to get like defensive and uh I think I hurt his feelings in the process and so instead

of beating myself up about it of like oh I should know better blah blah blah it's oh my god well I just like uh gave him

the gift of a reflection where now his business will be better because of it right it's it made him feel inadequate

he then is going to work on shifting that cuz that's an uncomfortable feeling to feel now he will be more confident in

his business that he has started and is doing and is helping men. Right? So even when you

do, you know, not fully just master communication in two seconds because it's not a realistic thing, right? It's

like trying to do a backflip after like two seconds of learning one or learning like the mechanics of one or like one,

not even the mechanics of the whole back flip, one mechanic of like a whole big thing, which is what we're doing now. We

will slip up or whatever. When you do, it's important you don't beat yourself up.

The next kind of point to touch on this um lots of questions on I can hear thoughts in here. Lots of questions on

in the moment when you're triggered. Like what's the best thing to do so you don't regret what you say?

like a like how do you really really not respond from like that blowing up place or that like

little girl place, right? Or little boy place. Um, if you can't, this formula is easier said than

done. And if you can't master it right away in the moment, what you can do is from like a just openhearted place, you

can even visualize your heart kind of like opening up and energetically I see the heart as like a big green ball. So

you can see the green ball getting bigger and just say I'm not going to respond in a way that's beneficial for

any of us right now. let's take 20 minutes so I can like gather my thoughts and come back. In that 20 minutes, you

go, you be alone, you remember the formula, you remember all the other things that if you come to the

unbothered workshop, you'll learn. Um, and uh then you can have like a game plan, like a script, like a game plan.

You can go back out, you'll be less emotionally charged, and then you can continue the conversation. What you

don't say is I need space from you. Is Justin would do that one a lot. He'd be like, I need you. I just need space from

you. And I'm like, well, there's probably a better way to say that. So, you can say make it about you. Never say

you never say make it so it's benefiting the other person. It's what I do all of the time because it is right. the other

day and I don't know if any of the VIP queens are in here. I have a VIP group for Career Formula and there's

about we have four VIP queens in there. And the other day we the call is supposed to be 1 hour but we go two

hours every time because it's fun in there and like we do we have a lot to talk about.

Um, we go two hours and I was going around kind of giving everybody a a chneled,

intuited business plan for the next year. And I was intuiting exactly what they should be doing energetically,

physically for their business in the next year. Well, I didn't realize, but it was it took about an hour for each

person. So, I started with one queen, about an hour went by, went to the next queen, about an hour went by. Two hours

are now going by. The thing's only supposed to be one hour. We usually go two hours anyway, but I'm like, "Oh my

gosh, we have two more queens to get to. What am I going to do? We can't be here for 4 hours. I have other places to be

over Zoom soon." They have also a life like and nobody nobody's brain is working right past two hours. I mean,

it's you're you're you're kind of no matter how smart or intelligent or non-ADHD you are, your brain's just not

fully functioning. And my brain with my channeling like that's like doing basically two full one-on-one sessions

back toback. like my intuition brain also needs a break, right? So, I'm like, "Okay, this won't benefit me. It won't

benefit them if we stay here another 2 hours." So, I was like, "Okay, guys, it could have been disappointing for the

two queens who didn't get the business plan that day." But I was like, "You guys, like, trust me, you're not going

to fully be able to take in what I'm saying. You're You've already been sitting here for 2

hours. you've already gotten so much information of just hearing me talk to the other queens. Like, you've probably

taken some tools and tips from their business plans. There's a lot that's happened. Let's take a break. Let's come

back on a different day this week. We'll get it in this week and that way you guys can be uh fresh, ready to take in

information, right? Like see how much better that is with communicating versus me just going, "Yeah, no. Okay, we ran

out of time. like uh we'll figure it out when the meet up next, right? But if you can get someone to understand how it's

benefiting them, because it is, then you have them on your side and on your team. And even if they maybe had a reflection

of like h like I didn't get to go first and I have to wait till Saturday or whatever it is, they're understanding

like yes and that's a reflection and like I actually would rather being fully present and not being sitting here for

two hours already and Alli's intuition be back to 100% because she just used it for two hours straight. So they can see

that. So when you communicate that, you always want to make it very, very clear how it's benefiting the other

person. Now, what happens if someone says an idea and you think it's the stupidest [ __ ] idea ever and you have

to answer them, what do you think we say? I want to see like uh go ahead and write in the chat like someone says an

idea. Let's say let's say um let's say your husband is like I think we should move to Croatia. Like I

think tomorrow we pack the bags and we move to Croatia and it's going to make us so much more money and it's going to

be thriving time for our family. And you're like what the f Croatia? That's so random. Like I never I want to stay

here. My family's here. What What would you first say? Let's see here. I can't help but be honest and like

that's a terrible idea. I understand. Okay. Any ideas? Can you

give me three reasons why? Okay. Oh, wow. How did you come up with that? Okay. That'd be really lovely to do, but

maybe right now we can focus on enjoying where we live. Okay. I like the vein we're on. I would like to ask why he has

the idea. I like the vein you guys are on. Asking questions is always good. What we can even add in there is is uh

finding the genius in what they just said. In every sentence, there's genius and there's the stupidest thing ever.

Right? Anything I say, you can find an equal amount of genius for an equal amount of the stupidest [ __ ] thing

ever. Anything, right? Like, uh, I'm sure we can find why this podcast is the stupidest [ __ ] thing ever. You know

what I mean? And then you can equally go find why it's genius. It's the law of balance. There's equal amount of genius.

And this is the stupidest [ __ ] [ __ ] ever in every [ __ ] thing ever. Okay. So, what would we think the genius would

be in moving to Croatia or not? What in that statement? I want to see it's a

little bit of a trick question. In the statement, I want to move to Croatia to have a better business in life for our

family. What's the genius in that? And if you're just listening to this on recording, um, just think of it in your

head, but I'm waiting for the queens to respond in here. Great. He's thinking

creatively. Making a better life for the family. Good. Good. Wanting a better life. Good, you guys. Great. That's the

genius. The genius is he wants to make a better life. So what you do then is you go, "Oh my

god, Jerry, it's [ __ ] genius that you want to make a better life for our family." That's Jerry, you're a [ __ ]

genius, right? Like, like, hype up the genius part, but again, your emotions have to be behind it. Emotions have to

be behind it. Jerry, I don't know where these names are coming from. They're just

coming out. [ __ ] Jerry. I know. Jerry and his Croatia move. These comments are great. Okay. Um I

keep looking at them against you guys are funny. Okay, so Jerry Jerry that's Jerry I love that

you want to make a better life for our family. I am so behind that. I think that's genius. Next part. What if we sat

down? What if we sat down and we came up with the best places and ways to be able to do that together and then use our

intuition and go through and intuitively see which one feels the best. Jerry's in. He's like, "Yeah,

that's a great idea." Right? But if you say, "Jerry, that's the stupidest [ __ ] idea ever." Which whoever the

queen was who said like, "I just want to be real and tell you it's a horrible idea." Literally same. Like, I have

Aries. I have so much fire in my chart. I'm an Aries. I'm Italian. My dad started off the boat from Italy. Like, I

have a lot of fire and reasons to just want to [ __ ] say that's the stupidest [ __ ] ever. And that's great, but you're

not going to get what you want from the person. Then you will not get the response you want. Yes, it's kind of

freeing, but you can authentically express while simultaneously getting what you want from the person. If you

say, and I have done this, if you say that's the stupidest idea ever, what's going to

happen? They are going to what? Law of opposing forces you. They're going to be like, "No, it's not. It's the best idea

ever." And they're going to get deeper into their belief that they should move to [ __ ]

Croatia. And then you're going to be like, "Fuck, the intuition says all red flags around moving to Croatia." and now

they're like even deeper in their belief because their law of opposing forces you right now and then you're not going to