5 Life Lessons from Derek Sivers: Embracing Authenticity Over Obligation

hey friends welcome back to the channel so this is a very very short small book which I read a few years ago and Derek

cers is one of my favorite people favorite thinkers in the world and the advice that he shares has resonated with

me so much over the years and so in this video I want to share five excerpts Five Lessons From this book that I am

continuing to revisit again and again and I hope you enjoy it what if you didn't need money or attention you know

that feeling you have after a big meal when you're so full that you don't want anything more ever wonder what that

would feel like in other parts of your life we do so many things for the attention to feel important or praised

but what if you had so much attention and so much praise that you couldn't possibly want anymore what would you do

then what would you stop doing we do so many things for the money whether we need it or not but what if you had so

much money that you couldn't possibly want anymore what would you do then what would you stop doing and then if you

stopped doing all those things you're doing just for the money or the attention what would be left who would

you be if you didn't do these things if you were completely satisfied then what after an understandable period of

relaxing what would you pursue don't say sit around and do nothing because that's still just relaxing I mean after that

when you're ready to be useful to others again what would you do then if you didn't need the money and didn't need

the attention yeah this question of what we want to do with our time what we want to do with our lives is one of the

central questions that we're all trying to answer mostly when we're when we get into our 20s often when we graduate and

we're like H what I do now um it's a really tricky one and one of the best things I found for this is to just sort

of do a lot of exploration try out a bunch of different things and see what Vibes but also journaling prompts like

this questions like this that encourage us to get away from like the default things of status or success or desire

for money or desire for security all that kind of stuff a question like what would you actually do if you didn't care

about the money and you didn't care about the attention next up we have if you're not feeling saying Hell yeah then

say no most of us have lives filled with mediocrity we say yes to things that we felt half-hearted about so we're too

busy to react when opportunities come our way we miss out on the great because we're busy with the mediocre the

solution is to say yes to less if you're not feeling hell yeah that would be awesome about something say no it's an

easier decision say no to almost everything this starts to free your time and your mind then when you find

something you're actually excited about you'll have the space in your life to give it your full attention you'll be

able to take Massive Action in a way that most people can't because you cleared away your clutter in advance

saying no makes your yes more powerful though it's good to say yes when you're starting out wanting any opportunity or

needing variety it's bad to say yes when you're overwhelmed overcommitted or need to focus refuse almost everything do

almost nothing but the things you do do them all the way man this is good this is a lesson I keep on needing to relearn

and relearn and relearn and relearn and every entrepreneur that I look up to also worries also really really really

struggles with this lesson where when you when you're just starting out you kind of want to say yes to everything

because you're getting all these opportunities and you're like you want to you want to try different things you

want to take advantage of all the things but then at a certain point you kind of know what you need to do you know what

the things that you want to focus on actually are and any deviation or distraction from those things just

scatters you in a bunch of different directions and you end up not really making any meaningful progress but that

requires the ability to say no to stuff was it there was a famous writer I can't remember who it was who said that one of

the sad things about one of the unfortunate side effects of being a successful writer is that you start

getting all this fan mail and if you were to respond to the fan mail you would never have any time to do the

writing and one thing a lot of writers get into into the into trouble with is that they're in spending too much time

interacting interacting with the fans because they view that as a good thing and they really want to do it they then

lose the focus from their work there's a phrase in business which is that sevens kill businesses this is like seven out

of tens 7 out of 10 people 7 out of 10 projects things that you said yes to because it was like a 7 out of 10

exciting if it's only a 7 out of 10 exciting it's not worth doing and actually those seven out of 10 like it's

easy to say no to the things that are three out of 10 or 2 out of 10 or 1 out of 10 it's easy to say no to the stuff

that you just really don't want to do but it's a lot harder to to say no to the stuff where it's like H you know

that's that thing's pretty good but h i mean maybe it's a 7 out of 10 but I probably should do it anyway cuz I'm

really lucky to be in this position and I should take it on and it'll be good for my CV and it'll help me with this

and this this and that and then before you know it your calendar and your to-do list are absolutely rammed and you're

feeling overwhelmed cuz you just have too much stuff going on and then the stuff that actually moves the needle cuz

those seven out of 10 things never really move the needle the stuff that actually moves the needle Falls by the

wayside oh and by the way if you happen to be watching this before the 20th of September 2024 then you might like to

join my completely free quarterly alignment Workshop this is a totally free online Workshop I host on Zoom

about every 3 months and the idea is that we reflect on your last 3 months we align to your life vision and we set

your goals for the final quarter of the year I've been hosting these every few months or year and there's always

thousands of people on the call and they find them super helpful and it's completely free so if you want to sign

up and join me facilitating a zoom session then you can check out the link in the video description ah I love this

one relax for the same result a few years ago I lived in Santa Monica California right on the beach there's a

great bike path that goes along the ocean for 7 and 1/2 miles on weekday afternoons it's almost empty it's

perfect for going full speed so a few times a week I'd get on my bike and go as fast as I could for the 15m loop I

mean really fullon 100% head down red-faced sprinting I'd finished exhausted and look at the time 43

minutes every time after a few months I noticed I was getting less enthusiastic about this bike ride I think I'd

mentally linked it with being completely exhausted so one day I decided I would do the same ride but just chill take it

easy nice and slow and ah what a nice ride I was relaxed and smiling and looking around I was barely giving it

any effort I saw two dolphins in the water a pelican flew right over me in Marina del re when I looked up to say

wow he in my mouth I had to laugh at the novelty of it I'm usually so damn driven always doing everything as

intensely as I can it was so nice to take it easy for once I felt I could do this forever without any exhaustion when

I finished I looked at the time 45 minutes wait what how could that be yep I double checked 45 minutes as compared

to my usual 43 so apparently all of that exhausting red-faced full-on push push push I had been doing had given me only

a 4% boost I could just take it easy and get 96% of the results and what a difference in experience to go the same

distance in about the same time but one way leaves me exhausted and the other way rejuvenated when I noticed that I'm

all stressed out about something or driving myself to exhaustion I remember that bike ride and try dialing back my

effort by 50% it's been amazing how often everything gets done just as well and just as fast with what feels like

half the effort which then makes me realize that half of my effort wasn't effort at all but just unnecessary

stress that made me feel like I was doing my best man love that so good 43 versus 45

minutes I I first I remember I first came across Derk civer stuff in like 2016 when I listened to an episode of

the Tim Ferris show and then binged everything he'd written and this was one of the things that stuck out to me so

much what was that 8 years ago sometimes just putting in a little bit less effort just taking it a little bit easier

taking a little bit less seriously ascribing a little bit less importance to it it's just the thing to do I talk

about this in the first chapter of feel good productivity which is about play play is unlocked when we lower the

stakes when we when we take things a little bit less seriously when we approach it with a little bit more

lightness and ease cuz a lot of the resistance and the push and the discipline and the drive that we put

into stuff a lot of that doesn't actually help us move any faster or make our up more efficient it just makes us

feel bad and if we can find a way to achieve effectively the same thing with a little bit less effort trying a little

bit less trying trying a little bit less hard and kind of more like I don't know going with the flow of the water rather

than trying to push up against the waves got that kind of thing yeah 43 minutes versus 45 minutes good stuff

procrastination hack change and to or my Unwritten condition for when to exercise was this when it's a nice day and I

finished my work and I haven't just eaten and I'm feeling energetic but of course that rarely happens so I wasn't

exercising enough my coach suggested I change and to or when it's a nice day or I finished my work or I haven't just

eaten or I'm feeling energetic now I exercise quite often do you have a list of conditions you need to have met

before you do something try changing and to or I Vibe with this not because it's a hack for procrastination I Vibe with

this because it's a great hack for being more satisfied with life I came across this in a Tony Robbins event actually

there was a story that he told there's a little girl and she goes to her dad's office and the girl says to the dad

daddy why is everything always in a muddle and then the Daddy's like what do you mean honey what do you mean

everything's all in a muddle and she says like your desk Daddy have a look at your desk your desk is a model and so

the dad's like huh so help help me sort it out like what would it look like if it wasn't a model and so the girl says

okay well this should go here and this should go here and this should go here and the computer should go here and the

thing should go here and then after sort of meticulously organizing his desk she says Ah see it's not a muddle anymore

and then he takes the mug of pens or whatever and moves it there and she's like no no no it's in audle and she puts

it back then he takes the camera or whatever on his desk and he puts it there and she says no no

no it's in a muddle again and puts the camera back then he takes the coffee cup the used coffee cup and he puts it there

and she's like no no no it's in a muddle and she puts it back and so the dad says oh that's very interesting there are all

sorts of different ways for the desk to be in a mdle but only one way for the desk to be acceptable for the desk to be

good back in the day I used to have a set of rules for myself like Unwritten rules rules that I hadn't really

acknowledged for when I was allowed to feel satisfied when I've attended all my lectures and I had a good night's sleep

and I did some socializing and I finished one of my essays way ahead of time and because I had this list of

conditions this list of rules that had and in in between them I was almost never satisfied at the end of the day I

always felt like I could have been more productive I felt like I hadn't done enough one thing that Derek suggests in

this thing one thing Tony Robbins recommends is when it comes to the rules that you have for feeling good change

and to or so it's a good day when I've gone to all my lectures or I've had a good night's sleep or I've socialized

with someone or I've made some progress on my essay and changing and toor in one simple mindset shift completely

transforms our experience of life it's just about changing the set of rules that we have for ourselves if there are

100 different ways for things to be in a muddle and only one way for things to be perfect if there's only one way for you

to have a good day but 100 different ways for for the day to be bad you're probably going to have a lot of bad days

but if you changed the rules if you changed the set of rules so that it was easier for you to have a good day easier

for to be satisfied with what you've done then you still do the same stuff it's just that you choose to feel more

satisfied at the end of the day with what you've done all right final thing from the book is obvious to you amazing

to others any creator of anything knows this feeling you experience someone else's Innovative work it's beautiful

brilliant breathtaking you're stunned their ideas are unexpected and surprising but perfect you think I never

would have thought of that how do they even come up with that it's genius afterwards you think my ideas are so

obvious I'll never be as inventive as that I get this feeling often amazing books music movies or even amazing

conversations I'm in awe at how the Creator thinks like that I'm humbled but I continue to do my work I tell my

little Tales I share my point of view nothing spectacular just my ordinary thoughts one day someone emailed me and

said I never would have thought of that how did you even come up with it that's Genius of course I disagreed and

explained why it was nothing special but afterwards I realized something surprisingly profound everybody's ideas

seem obvious to them hit songwriters often admit that their most successful hit song was one they thought was just

stupid even not worth recording we're clearly bad judges of our own Creations we should just put them out there and

let the world decide are you holding back something that seems too obvious to share this was one of the things that

really helped me start my YouTube channel I think I discovered derk's Serv was before then or like around around

the time where at a certain point I felt like ah you know this this advice I'm giving about getting into med school

this like I don't know study tip I'm sh ing the stuff around like how I take notes on my iPad H it's all it's all

obvious then I read this thing what's obvious to you can be amazing to others I often like to revisit books that have

had a big impact on me because I like to revisit the same lessons that had an impact on me and I realize holy I

still need to I still need to take that lesson I have not yet like internalized the lesson that what's obvious to you

can be amazing to others I still hold myself back from creating stuff from publishing things posting stuff on my

newsletter Life notes you can subscribe down below if you want by the way it's a weekly email that I send weekly-ish with

like notes from books I'm reading podcast I'm listening to that kind of stuff I still hold myself back from

putting stuff in there cuz it feels too obvious I'm like oh everyone's read hello everyone's read finite and

infinite games everyone's read books by Daniel pink oh it's not worth putting the thing in sometimes I I'll send an

issue from the archives one that I wrote like 5 years ago where I'm like yeah I discovered this thing 5 years ago but

here it is now and I'll get emails being like whoa I've never heard of that thing and to me it's obvious cuz I discovered

it 5 years ago and I've been applying it to my life but we're getting dozens of emails from people being like holy

I've never heard this thing before well it's obvious to you can be amazing to others you should definitely check out

this book it is I think available for free on Derrik cers website I'll put a link down below and also if you like

drik cers and you and you Vibe with his stuff I'll put a link over here to an interview I did with Derek on my deep

dive podcast you can check that out loads of people have said that that interview really changed their

perspective of life and stuff so I'll put a link over there thank you so much for watching and I'll see you next time

bye-bye