Unlock Your Brain's Power: Neuroscience Secrets to Overcome Feeling Stuck

[music] [music] If someone was to listen to our

conversation today and apply What are the things you have to say? How would their life change?

>> I'd like to say that it can and will change in every single aspect that you apply it to. I think that and you know

actually one of my students in Minecraft, she joined a few months ago and she I asked her I said what do in

which ways do you think that your life has changed since joining? And she said every single aspect of her life has

changed. And I think that the principles that I teach and I coach on and that I practice, I think they really can be

applied to every single area of your life. So yeah, I think it just depends on you and what you choose and what you

intend, right? So it's all about intention there. And it's like if you want to apply it to relationships, you

can. Um, but also just being more in control of your brain. I like to make the analogy of if you are driving a car

down the road and you don't know how that car works. If it breaks down, you don't know how to fix it, you'll be

stuck there, right? And I I have a story of like my car breaking down. My brother luckily is a mechanical engineer. Um and

he I called him. He's like, "Oh, pour water in this one little hole," or whatever, and I could be on my merry

way, right? I got home safely. But if you if you don't know how, and the brain works the same way, right? So, let's say

you're stressed out or you are overwhelmed or you're struggling to focus or whatever it is. If you don't

know how your brain works, you might be stuck, but when you know how your brain works, you can then use that knowledge

and apply it to whatever area you're really struggling with. So, that I think that it really can be applied to many

different areas of your life. Yeah. >> Yeah. I love that analogy. I've I've had many a time in my life a car that's

broken down on me, not been a mechanical engineer and pushed my car up a hill. And that's what it sometimes feels like

for people. I feel like people feel that they're fighting against their brain. They're

>> breaking down their mind. They're trying to push forward and they just feel stuck. I feel like so many people

listening right now feel stuck in their job. They feel stuck in a bad relationship. they feel stuck looking

for a career. If someone feels stuck, what do they need to understand about the brain in order to start the process

to get unstuck? [snorts] >> Yeah. So, I think that feeling of being stuck, it's really quite natural when

you think about neuroscience and your biology. The brain loves to keep you in what is safe and normal to you. Um, the

brain is also, I like to call it, a prediction machine. So we don't necessarily experience reality. We

experience, you know, our brains sort of filtering everything we see, hear, feel, touch, but also predicting what's about

to happen. And that's why a lot of times, you know, we feel like anxious or whatever it is. It has to do with um the

brain's predicting kind of something that's upcoming. And so I think that feeling of being stuck is quite normal

and natural. And I just want to say that first. But also understanding which area you're stuck in, right? And I I'm going

to take it an interesting direction right now, but I like to talk about procrastination because it's a good

example of feeling stuck, right? So, if you are you let's say you have a goal and you're like how like starting a

podcast and you're like, okay, I want to do it and then you're procrastinating it, right? So, I always say that there

are three reasons why people procrastinate. And the first reason is there's an identity sort of mismatch.

And what I mean by that is that you don't you like who your sense of self and who you believe that you are doesn't

match with you working toward the goal of launching a podcast. Um and this actually kind of resonated with me

personally whenever I was starting to write a book. I was procrastinating writing my book and I was like why am I

doing this? I know it's a goal. I know I want to do it but I don't know why I'm procrastinating. Um and the default mode

network in the brain is really what's at play here. So the default mode network is really appropriately named because it

kind of helps to regulate and propel our default mode of behavior, right? So it's responsible for our default mode of

being and doing. Um but it's also responsible for our sense of self and constructing the narrative or the story

of our lives. And so if your sense of self doesn't match, if your identity doesn't match whatever it is that you're

trying to do, then your default mode network is not really going to be helping you do the behaviors or take the

action toward doing starting a podcast. And so I always tell my clients, I tell my students, I tell everyone on social

media, I'm like just identity shift, you know, like shift your identity. You can just start to identify as a version of

you who has done the thing. And so that's kind of the first part of that. And then the second,

>> let's let's talk about that first one. That's so interesting. That's so interesting. And I love the way you

broke down the default mode network because this identity mismatch that you're talking about. Are you saying

that if you don't I know you've said something which I love. You said science says you have to act like you already

have it. >> Yeah. >> Before something can happen.

>> Mhm. >> Is that what you're saying? That you've got to feel like I'm already a author.

I'm already a podcaster. How does someone practically apply that identity to make sure it's aligned?

>> Right? So, it's really just choosing to identify as that person, right? And so, when I say that, you have to act like

you already have it or you like you already are it in order to do it or be it. It works the same way. The analogy I

use there is falling asleep at night. Like when you fall asleep at night, you lay down, you close your eyes, you slow

your breath, and you pretend like you're asleep until you fall asleep. And your brain makes it so. Um, and life works

that way as well. And you have to you have to act like it and move like it, right? Like you're not going to become a

drummer in a band unless you act like a drummer and drummers practice. And so it's sort of like and and so how do I

apply that like practically? I guess from my book example, I really just decided I'm an author. Like from this

moment forward, I'm an author. And I think a lot of times we don't realize the power that we have to choose those

sorts of things. And this is another reason why I tell people to be so careful about the labels that they use

to identify themselves and the labels that they put on themselves. And growing up in my own life, I had so many

different labels put on to me um that I believed and just kind of allowed to describe who I was. And that impacted my

life. It impacted my health. It impacted everything in my world. And so that's one of the reasons why I'm so passionate

about it. But yeah, and so applying that practically, a lot of times it really just looks like choosing to identify as

that version of you. Um, like if I'm trying to start a podcast, I am a podcaster and there I am doing it,

right? >> It's almost like how does an author behave and let me start practicing that

now? So an author gets up and writes a page even when they don't feel inspired because that's how they get for example,

right? or like a podcaster sits down and you just start interviewing the people that are available until you're able to

book the guest that you really want to speak to. >> Right. Exactly. Exactly. And when that

happens, when you choose when you write a new what happens then is that you're writing a new story and your brain kind

of stops using your past to predict your future and it kind of starts to take the present moment and your new identity

that you are choosing to help predict your future behavior. Um, and so it's super powerful.

>> I love that. All right, what's the second? That was great. Okay. So, the second reason why most people

procrastinate is fear. Um, a a lot of times we are actually subconsciously afraid of success. And I think this is a

big reason why a lot of people stay stuck is that we are actually subconsciously afraid of what it might

look like if we succeed at doing it. >> Interesting. >> And for me personally, so I'm actually

about to launch a podcast. Um, by the time this episode comes out, it may or may not be already launched. But, um,

when I, again, I was procrastinating filming my podcast. And me being me, I sit down and I analyze my mind. Like,

why am I procrastinating starting to film this podcast? And what I found was that I was subconsciously afraid of

being seen in sort of a more vulnerable way because long- form content is a lot more vulnerable than a one minute reel

on Instagram. like you're not really you in that short of a period of time. Um but in long form content, people can

really see you. And so that was sort of the fear that I uncovered for myself. Um but yeah, and I think this is another

reason why I tell people all the time like a lot a lot of people say get specific about your goals, but I also

say get specific about your fears because your fears they can have control over you when you don't know what they

are. But when you identify them, labeling them, well, that activates the prefrontal cortex. And the prefrontal

cortex and the amydala, they sort of have this kind of seessaw relationship where when one activity, activity in one

goes up, activity in the other goes down. And so when you label your emotions, you label the fears that you

have, you're actually giving yourself your power back. You're activating the prefrontal cortex, which is the CEO of

your brain. It's sort of the boss of your brain. Um, and so kind of getting specific about your fears, I would say,

is the way to overcome that version of stuckness. And I think that's a really powerful um, activity to do if somebody

were feeling stuck. >> How did you get so specific and define your own fear? I love that you shared

what you were worried about and this whole idea that people are scared of success.

>> Yeah. >> How did you come upon that? Like what process did it take? What reflection did

you do? How did you identify them? I love what you said about identifying your goals is important, but actually

knowing your fears is equally as important, if not more. How do you do that?

>> Yeah. So, I think for me, I have this saying called take it all the way to the end. And so, allow yourself to go on the

journey or the path all the way to the end. And so, I sat down and I was like, okay, if I go and I film this podcast,

my goal is to have a top podcast in the world, right? So, if I'm having a top podcast in the world, what might that

look like? Oh, that means that I'm setting myself up to be seen more and maybe have more hate and maybe have more

criticism and judgment and all that. And just seeing myself write that down, I was like, okay, well, if my brain is

highlighting that as, oh, if you go and start a podcast, you're going to have more hate and face more criticism, then

it might try to keep me safe from that. And that's really what that is, is your brain is just trying to keep you safe.

And so that's why identifying your fears can be so powerful. And so yeah, I would say if you're trying to identify what

your fears are, I would just take the goal, whatever it is that you're trying to do all the way to the end, like if

it's the top podcast or if it's the bestselling book or if it's your business or even a relationship, right?

Like a lot of people in relationships like you're afraid of relying on someone or being dependent on someone or really

fully being open and vulnerable with someone. And honestly, just identifying that as the first step and getting super

clear on that because when you get clear on that, then you can rewrite the story of exactly like you said, yes, it's true

being more vulnerable and being seen might equal more judgment or criticism, but it might also equal and to the same

extent, if not more, more love and more support. So, um, and you have to identify it first to give yourself, um,

the chance to even rewrite that fear. >> Yeah, I love the idea of take it all the way to the end. That's a great one. It's

a It's a great way of actually getting really clear on exactly what's tripping you up. And I love what you just said

there that >> actually when you come up with it, you realize your brain was just trying to

keep you safe. >> It was actually just trying to help you because it was scared of that. It wasn't

that you weren't good enough or it wasn't that you weren't smart enough or it wasn't that you can't develop the

skills. It was just trying to keep you safe. >> Yeah. And I think when when we think

about the brain trying to keep us safe that and that's a really big reason why the brain tries to keep us kind of in

our comfort zone, right? But it's super important to recognize and acknowledge that any sort of growth happens outside

of our comfort zones. Like I would not be in the position where I am today if I didn't take delusional level risks and

leaps of faith. Um and so it's really a requirement to achieving or receiving or having whatever it is that we want. And

so, yeah, getting really clear on our fears and taking all the way I take it all the way to the end applies to that.

It also applies to limiting beliefs as well. Like, take it all the way to the end. Uh, see what comes up for you. Um,

and also, yeah, I think I because I've had students I had a specific student ask me, she was struggling with um, sand

volleyball, [clears throat] beach volleyball, and she was like, I had this fear. And I was like, take it all the

way to the end. Visualize it maybe. You know, I don't think I've ever heard anyone tell people like visualize your

fears, but if it's safe for you and you're not going to like um like have any sort of physical reaction, like

visualize it and see what comes up for you and see like what is it really that you're afraid of and then you can give

yourself the chance to kind of rewrite that story. >> Yeah. What's number three?

>> Okay, so we've got there's an identity mismatch or there is maybe some underlying fear behind it. And then

number three is really more of a scientific kind of simple straightforward thing and it's cheap

dopamine. Uh it's everywhere and society sort of it's everywhere. Cheap dopamine, social media, um it's all over the place

and like fast food, binging Netflix, whatever it is. Um that's that's number three is cheap dopamine. And it's it's

really it's a dream. Dopamine I always say like dopamine doesn't care about your dreams. Uh dopamine just cares

about what you automate and what you repeat. Um and so it's going to keep you doing that. And also when it comes to

cheap dopamine, if you're giving yourself a lot of that, then you're not really and one of the big things that I

do to help kind of motivate myself to doing things is withholding reward. And so whenever I was in the PhD, I studied

drug addiction. And so a lot of dopamine research um and studying kind of the dopamine pathways, but also drug

addiction is really just maladaptive habit formation. And so when I when I think about kind of cheap dopamine and

and habit formation and and behavior, um because dopamine drives a lot of behavior, one of the things that I do to

kind of motivate myself is just withhold whatever reward that I'm wanting. So let's say I I saw it online or I was

shopping or whatever and I saw a shirt that I wanted, um I I wouldn't allow myself to buy it or a candle or whatever

it is, I wouldn't allow myself to buy it until after I do the task that that I'm maybe procrastinating or feeling stuck

doing. And so if someone's out there right now and you're procrastinating or feeling stuck um starting a business or

going after a job or dating in a relationship or whatever it is and you're regularly giving yourself sort of

cheap dopamine or you know allowing yourself to just like have whatever reward it is and you just give it to

yourself all the time, um then you're not really setting yourself up for success because you're giving yourself

your your brain is just it's wellfed on dopamine. And you can think of it sort of as the analogy of like snacking all

day, right? So, if you're snacking all day, you're never really going to be hungry and to eat that whole meal. And

so, dopamine is kind of the same way. If you're like giving yourself those cheap dopamine hits, going on social media all

day long, then you're never really going to be driven to go complete that big task. Um, and that big task is going to

be a lot more rewarding than the small repetitive cheap dopamine, especially at night. So, I want to I want to highlight

that because this is something newer that I've been talking about. And honestly, I discover all this like

obviously I learned about neuroscience in school. Um, but I I discover a lot of the kind of hacks and stuff based on

what I need and in my own life. And so I I realized, you know, I was waking up with less motivation, waking up low on

energy and just not really feeling like normally and I have I have most of the time I really do wake up and I jump out

of bed and I'm like ready and so excited for the day. So I'm like, what's what's happening here? Um, and what I actually

realized was that so dopamine actually resets itself and restores as you sleep. And so scrolling at nighttime or binge

watching Netflix or any of those things that give you cheap dopamine and even eating late night snacks and all that um

that actually well one it disrupts your sleep and that keeps your dopamine system from

restoring itself. But also it it desensitizes your dopamine receptor. So when you wake up in the morning, you're

for lack of a better like keep it simple, you're less sensitive to dopamine when you wake up in the morning

when you give yourself cheap dopamine at night. Um and so cheap dopamine is number three. It's a big reason why

people stay stuck. Yeah. Because if you're giving yourself snacks all day, you're never going to be driven to cook

a meal. If you're giving yourself cheap dopamine all day long, you're never going to be driven to go do the big task

that's going to help you get closer to your dreams. >> I love that. How do we convince oursel

that the big task is going to be more fulfilling than the cheap quick dopamine? Or what do we do with that?

Because I think you're spot on that there are a million distractions today. It's easy to be caught down a wormhole.

It's easy to binge a show and you don't realize that actually building the thing you love or starting that business or

investing in that relationship, whatever it is, will be so much more meaningful. What do we do with that? How do we get

there? Yeah. So, I think two things. The first is get super specific about why you want that thing, right? So, if you

don't really know why you want and let's um I guess the big goal for this would be writing a book because that takes so

long and it [laughter] does not come easily or come quick >> and it never gets easy. I'm on my third

I'm writing my third book right now. It does not get easier. [laughter] It does not I'll just tell everyone it does not

get easier. >> And and it's it's you're in it's a marathon. It's not a sprint. Uh they

used to say that to me all the time in the PhD. it's even though they wanted you to sprint the marathon. Um, and so I

I think for that it's really understanding and being super clear about why you want to do it because

motivation is not always going to be there for you. Um, and that's where knowing your why. And I kind of have a

different take on discipline where I don't really think of like this hardcore sort of discipline sort of moment. I

think of discipline as looking out for future you. And I think this is why it's super important for me whenever I am

working with people. I I asked them, you know, like who do you want to be? Like who like when you imagine yourself like

achieving the goals or whatever it is, like it's not really about that. It's about who achieving those goals is going

to make you become. Um, and that's really what it's all about. Like who are you feeling called to become and getting

super clear on who that is and why you want to be that person. And so understanding your why and why you want

to do it, why do you want to write the book? Um, and that will keep you going and motivate you. Um, but also who

that's going to make you become. Like I want to be an author. Like I want to have a book published. And sometimes

that's going to motivate me a lot more than just thinking about publishing a book. You know what I mean? I think that

is sort of super important is is really knowing your why. Um, and then I think the other thing when you're clear on

that, when you're clear on who you want to become and your why and your purpose for doing it, that's really the first

half of it. And then the other half of it, I don't do the whole internal battle thing. Like don't I don't negotiate with

myself. That's something that I don't do. And so I think trying to convince yourself that it's going to be rewarding

and going to be better than scrolling on my phone. I don't think that we can really even do that. I don't think that

that's something that I wouldn't recommend. I think in that scenario, it would more be and actually like recently

I was struggling with getting filming content and I called my friend who's still in the PhD. She's like my best

friend. And I called her and she's like, "M, you're the one that would always tell me you need to um you need to

withhold reward. Like what do you want? Like do you do you want like a new outfit? Like what is it that you want?"

Um and then get that get clear on like what it is that you want and then don't give it to yourself until after the big

thing has been accomplished after you've done the thing that you want to do. And that's how you start to train your brain

that it's more rewarding. A dog doesn't learn to sit for free. I say that all the time. If you want to teach a dog how

to sit, you have to give your dog a treat. And then that treat boosts dopamine. that dopamine drives learning.

And then when you learn it and it becomes a habit that you repeat, then it's just wired in and you're doing it.

Um, and you don't have to think so much about it. And it's not about convincing yourself. It's just wired in. It's

automatic behavior. And then another thing that I talk about a lot in my community and and in the people that I

coach is that take a moment after you do accomplish those things or you do it doesn't have to be some big goal that

you're accomplishing either. It can maybe be even something small like I said creating content. Like that's a

stepping stone on the way. Um and it can be just as simple as taking a moment to tell yourself, hey, I'm proud of you.

Good job. You you accomplished that. Selft talk boosts dopamine. Like self-affirmation boosts dopamine. It

activates the reward centers in the brain. Um I used to be I didn't used to believe in affirmations. I used to think

they were woo woo or whatever. And I I was like no, what is that? Um but then you know I sort of went on my own

journey and then of course looked into the neuroscience of it and it they it they really are so powerful and and not

even necessarily an affirmation track or whatever it is but speaking to yourself positively and kindly it's so so so

important and making sure to take a moment to do that and acknowledge yourself when you are working toward the

goals because it's so easy to you know just be like okay like I posted a video okay we're not necessarily at 10 million

yet so that's not we're not there yet. Um it's really easy to do that and get caught up in the big picture and not

give yourself the pat on the back for the steps that you're taking along the way. And those are the little dopamine

boosts that are going to build momentum that that are going to keep you going. Um and that are also going to teach your

brain that oh hey, this behavior, this action that we're taking is valuable and meaningful.

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>> it doesn't have to be a purchase? It doesn't have to be a purchase. I'm using this is personally for me, I like

clothes and so like for me and then maybe it's even um going and and planning. It can it can be anything like

planning a reward for yourself um like going out to dinner. Let's say if you're a foodie. It really depends. So, I'm not

going to sit here and tell people what's going to boost their dopamine because it's very highly individual. Um, like

what what is it that you want and like, but maybe you love going to the grocery store and buying these one box of

cookies that you really like or um whatever it is, maybe there's something. And also, it's good to switch it up.

Like if it's something that you haven't done for yourself in a while or like there's a dessert that you love that you

only have on your birthday, it's like, okay, if I take the steps, if I sign up for this LLC and I get the logo done and

I set up the website, I'm going to go get that thing that I I get for my birthday and I'm going to give it to

myself now. Um, so it's just kind of really anything that makes you and I think also this is why I always talk

about with um with people is to also have something to look forward to. I think is super important whether it's

just like a dinner I because I found in and this is something I really learned through experience in college and

undergrad but then of course now knowing the neuroscience of it I would be so much more productive and study so much

better when I had plans on Friday night uh and like if you don't have any plans or anything to look forward to or like a

a reason to get stuff done quickly then it's going to be a lot harder and also like dopamine is released in

anticipation of a good thing happening it's not just about reward bored. Um it's also when you are anticipating

something like from my like kind of research studies that was more tied to craving, right? But um in in kind of our

day-to-day lives, it's anticipation. Like that's why when you're when you're a little kid and it's the night before

Christmas, like you can't you couldn't you can't fall asleep at night cuz you're excited. You're anticipating

something. And actually the day that uh we were supposed to close on our house, which was like two weeks ago, I woke up

that morning feeling like a kid on Christmas. [laughter] Um, and I was like I was looking into the neuroscience of

it actually because I was like, how do I activate this feeling more every single day because it's a great feeling and I

was so productive. Um, but that was really a day of detachment because we weren't sure whether or not we were

going to close that day. Um, and it was actually as soon as we decided, oh no, it's not going to happen today, but

we'll just drive home. Think we got the call and I was like, oh, you're going to get the keys. And I was like, it's

always when you let go. So, yeah, I think it depends on the person when it comes to what you should delay or what

you should purchase. It doesn't even have to be a purchase. It can be any sort of rewarding thing. Like actually

something that I've been doing because I have a mountain bike. I'm not like an avid mountain biker, but I

[clears throat] love nature and I also have a ripstick. I love to ripstick just like around my house or whatever it is.

Um and so I told myself the other day actually I was like I'm going to film this content and then afterward I'm

going to ripstick. And giving myself that sort of little reward of like honestly it's like playtime. Um like

giving myself that it motivated me to go get it done that way cuz I had something to look forward to and a little reward

afterward. >> Absolutely. Well said. But it definitely works. It definitely works. I can think

of so many moments in my life where that's exactly how I'm focusing on how to get the work done first and then be

able to play break afterwards. And and the biggest one for me from what you said that I think really is going to

make a difference for people is being kind to yourself in the process. Yeah, >> that comes with that and the ability to

celebrate the small wins and the progress because if you're always measuring yourself up against a big

goal, you could be waiting a long long time. Especially when you're writing a book,

>> I mean that you just told me the cycle of when your book's going to come out and that's what it is. It takes like 2 3

years to put it together, then it takes time for it to come out, then you're promoting it. So the actual result of

someone saying, "I love your book and I got so much from it is so far away that if that's what you're waiting for, it's

going to feel like forever." >> Yep. I actually had to switch. This is funny that you say that because when I

first started, I was very motivated by having a best-selling book and writing this book and quickly did I learn that's

not gonna last and we're not going to be able to push through on this. So I actually shifted from being motivated by

kind of the result to hey actually I just want to be an author and being an author is a reward in itself and when I

acknowledged that then it became more rewarding to write the book and do the work and so it was that shift and I

think that's also why it's so important to figure out who you want to be and that identity um and who it's going to

make you because when you can start to kind of identify as that it's also very rewarding to embody it as Yeah. You've

said that desperately wanting something actually blocks you from getting it, >> which applies to what you just said

about your house. You're like just that moment you let go, >> you're like you got the call that you

got your house. Why does desperately wanting something actually block it? When you are very attached to an outcome

and you desperately want something and it's to the point where it is kind of raising your stress levels and you are

dependent on it or attached to the outcome, it boosts stress and it boosts cortisol and that actually narrows your

perception and kind of which gives you a sort of tunnel vision and actually blocks you from being able to perceive

or be aware of alternate pathways um and alternate routes which is one reason why it can block you from getting it.

Because a lot of times, you know, we'll have a goal and we have something that we want to accomplish and I know for me

personally, I had a goal and I had to be very open to alternate pathways in my life. [laughter] I had to be very open

to like, okay, and and you know, we we'll go down the road and maybe this road isn't it and we'll take a different

road. But being able to be open um to alternate pathways that actually you're less able to do that and you're less

open-minded and you have more of tunnel vision whenever you are kind of desperately attached to something and

also whenever we are chronically stressed I mean that puts us in fight or flight and when the nervous system is

disregulated I mean it becomes way harder to rewire your brain. Um, and I like to use the analogy of a kid in a

classroom. Like if you're a kid in a classroom and you are being bullied by every single student, it's going to be

really hard to pay attention to the teacher and actually learn what's being said. But if you feel safe in that

classroom, the kid can actually feel safe to learn and pay attention to the teacher and absorb what's being said.

And it works same way in our lives. Like if we're feeling stressed and anxious all the time, it's really going to be

difficult to be focused on whatever goal that we have. Um, and so that's another kind of piece of it. And then there's

another piece of it which is sort of this incubation effect in the brain. And I'm sure you've noticed that if you're

sitting there and you're thinking about a problem or a challenge or and you're wanting an answer to something and

you're you can't necessarily think of the way of of the answer. Um but then as soon as you walk away from it and you go

for a walk or you're in the shower or whatever it is, all of a sudden the answer comes and whatever you wanted to

say comes. That's the incubation effect. And our subconscious mind or like the other kind of areas in the brain can

process a lot more information and make a lot more connections than our conscious mind can when we're sort of

focusing on something. And so whenever we're desperately wanting something or attached to it and we're thinking about

it all the time and we're kind of stopping that from happening, we're stopping the incubation effect to do its

magic of sort of going to work behind the scenes and coming up with the answers. And so that's another reason

why letting go can be so helpful. and just and that doesn't mean that you're not going to work towards your goals.

That doesn't mean that you're not going to be focused on your goals, but it means that you know you you work toward

it and you worry about what you worry about the inputs and you worry about what you can do, but you sort of let go

of the the how and the when and you just and it also allows you to enjoy the journey, which is which is really

important. Um it allow and I think that's if not one of the the most important things when it comes to all of

it is enjoying the journey. And I always say, you know, life is about the journey. If it were about the

destination, it would be called death. Um, it's about the journey. And so enjoying the journey is super important.

And when you're desperately attached to something, especially, you know, when it's a long-term sort of situation,

you're going to be you're you're withholding reward and you're withholding feeling proud of yourself

and feeling accomplished for a long time. And I don't think that anybody should really live that way either.

>> Yeah. It can be you can torment yourself. You can torture yourself if you do it. And it can lead to greatness.

But at what cost, >> right? It absolutely can. [laughter] But I I and knowing myself and I think that

that's a very important piece of this and knowing myself is that one of my top values is joy. Um and and being able to

enjoy my life and enjoy the journey of my life. Um and so for me, yeah, I think remembering to enjoy the journey, but

also I found that I do so much better in my work and creative process when I am in joy. Um, and so I think that joy

isn't necessarily um like a break or a like an additional reward, but it also is sort of a necessity if we want our

brain to be in its most optimized state because tons of studies show that play and being in your joy, it actually

boosts creativity. It also boosts longevity and um our immune system function and all the things. So, it's

really good for our physical health as well as our mental health. >> Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you've reminded

me of two things. One thing I always say to people is you'll get to where you want in life, just not in the way you

imagine it. The idea that you're going in the direction, but the the path it's going to take is going to be totally

different. >> Yeah. >> And so what you want may even change if

you're moving at the pace you want to go. And one of the things I love that you said your value is joy. One of my

values, deep values, is love. >> And I always say to myself, I always want to move at the pace of love. I want

to move as fast as I can while still loving it. >> Because if I start hating it,

>> then it's not worth it. Even if I move three times the speed that I'm at right now

>> because I want to move at the pace of love. I want to move at a pace that I'm in love with myself. I'm in love with

what I'm doing and I'm love in love with what I'm serving rather than I'm moving really really fast. We're getting there,

but I actually hate it and I'm upset at myself. >> Yeah. I think it's super important to

know and in Minecraft in the very beginning I have people get to know themselves and and their key values

because in my business actually like working in business um I've had kind of I don't want to use the word standoffs

but situations where I've had to bring up and so mine what I have mine broken down into three parts and one of the

parts is to be to have love and joy. Um and for me it's the exact same way. It's like, yes, we could do all of this and

we could move at this speed and we could um but at at the cost of my love at at the cost of feeling love and joy, it's

not worth it to me. And so I completely resonate with that. >> Yeah. What what is the number one thing

people are coming to you in Minecraft and your community for coaching? What's the number one thing you're seeing

amongst young people? >> Minecraft is a pretty wide range. I would say it's from like 20s up to 60s.

>> So we've got a pretty wide range of people. And so the I would say the reasons why people come into Minecraft

are pretty variable. Um, but I think I like that you asked the question about people feeling stuck because I think

that that's a big reason why people do come to Minecraft and and understanding kind of the neuroscience of of reality

and how life works and how how the brain builds reality is sort of um an eye openener. It was an eye openener for me.

It's an eye openener for a lot of people. but then also seeing how your brain is really like directing you and

then directing how you feel and your actions and all of that. And so I think a big reason is that people do feel

stuck and they want they and also I mean just I got to meet with some people in Minecraft in person recently and one

person said that he joined because he wanted to find purpose in his life um and and connect um more deeply with his

spiritual his spirituality and he found that and not only did he find his purpose but he actually just launched a

nonprofit which is super cool. Yeah. a lot of people surprisingly and I guess surprisingly or not. I don't really know

what I was expecting when I started Minecraft. I just sort of started it um because I wanted to give people

everything that helped me get to where I am in in a in one place. Um but I I've found that a lot of people end up

quitting their 9 toive jobs and starting their own thing. And not that and you know, of course there are people who

love their nineto-ive jobs and they're in them, but surprisingly a lot of people do um embark on that journey. And

so I think it a lot of people join because they want to really find what lights them up and and that what calls

to them. And I think that when you when you figure out who you are on a super deep level

and you then figure out how your brain works and you understand all the little kind of nuances of of focus and stress

and anxiety and nervous system regulation and of course like identity and um your sense of self and how all

that works. then you kind of have this sort of freedom to go and create the life that you really want.

>> What's your take on manifestation? >> I 100,000% believe in manifestation. >> What version? Walk me through your So, I

think a lot of people don't believe in manifestation because they think that it's this thing where you just sit down

and think until it pops up into your reality. And I don't really I don't really see it that way. So I guess my

take on manifestation is really sort of just understanding the neuroscience of reality and how the brain works. There's

actually a really cool study. So I I'll tell you about this study. This study actually is really greatly explains how

manifestation works. At least in my eyes. So there's a study done in the 1970s where they took kittens and they

raised one group of kittens. They they they raised them all in complete darkness. Um they took one group of

kittens and they showed them only horizontal lines. horizontal black and white lines. So they're they're raised

mostly in complete darkness except for a few hours a day where they're shown only horizontal black and white lines. And

then a different group was shown only vertical black and white lines. They allowed their brains to develop through

you know their adolescence. And then when they were their brains were more developed, their visual systems were

developed. They put them in a normal environment with chairs and tables and all the things. And what they found was

that the kittens that were raised to only see horizontal lines, they couldn't see vertical objects. They would bump

into table legs and chair legs because their brains weren't programmed or wired to see them. The brain develops in in a

way that helps us survive in our environment that we grew up in. And so the the kittens that could only see the

vertical lines as they were raised, they could see they would weave in and out of table legs and and chair legs and all

that, but they wouldn't jump up on up onto tabletops or, you know, chairs to perch the way that the kittens that were

raised to see horizontal lines would. And so I think that, you know, that study kind of really showed me that if

if the way that kittens were raised kind of determined what they could then see or perceive in their reality, like what

am I missing in my life because of the way that my brain is is wired and the way that I was programmed by my

environment. And I think that's where sort of certain activities like shadow work kind of come in. Um, but

recognizing that you really can only see in your reality what your brain is wired for. And so that job, that relationship,

that thing that you're trying to manifest or create into your life, um you it might be right in front of you,

but you're missing it because your brain is not programmed to see it or construct it, right? Um and it's super cool

because there was someone um who came to my master class. I host free master classes and he can he said he had been

searching for a job for two years and two weeks after the master class, he got his dream job. And to me, it's just it's

a really cool example, but also a real like when you wire your brain to become a match. And so that's what really it's

all about. It's sort of that like neuroscience meets law of attraction sort of situation where when you wire

your brain to become a match so that it can actually construct the experience that you're wanting to experience,

that's when you can see it. And that's why I say like you need to act like it or you need to be it before you can see

it. It's because the brain has to be a match for it in order to even construct whatever it is. Like you can be in the

best relationship ever, but make it toxic or you know it won't you won't be perceiving it as that if your brain

isn't wired to be in a healthy relationship. And so I think it really is about rewiring your brain so that you

can perceive the things that you want. And so for me that's what manifestation is all about. For me manifestation's it

is I guess an entire it is a mental game. It is about rewiring your brain so that you can become a match to whatever

it is that you want. But then of course that requires action. >> You don't rewiring your brain. Yes, it

can be done through visualization and and all of that. But a lot of the circuitry like habit formation and all

that a lot of it comes from action and from doing. And so I I do think that of course it requires action but taking

aligned action. And when and I think that it's important to recognize that when when you have action but your brain

isn't programmed to see it, then you'll be taking action for a long time. You might achieve it, you might not. But

when and when you're of course only doing the brain component or the energetic component of it, the mental

component, you might become this great thing, but it then it it's going to take action for you to go. And I think that

when you have both your brain is programmed for whatever it is that you want, and you're taking action toward

what you want, then that's when you become completely unstoppable. >> Yeah. It's so interesting to hear about

the exposure of the kittens, what they had, the vertical and horizontal lines. I remember I was coaching someone a few

years back >> and they told me that the richest person they knew made $100,000 a year. And so

then I introduced them to someone who made $100,000 a month. And they were like, "Oh my god, I didn't know you

could make $100,000 a month." Then I introduced them to someone who made $100,000 a day. And then they're like,

"Oh, wait a minute. Like, I didn't know you could make $100,000 a day." And then I introduced them to someone who makes

$100,000 an hour. And it was just incredible to watch their mind expand >> because it was just a glitch almost in

their belief system of what was possible. >> And that wasn't about that person

wanting to become really rich or wealthy. It was just about the idea of can you expand the mind out enough to be

exposed to something that it hasn't seen before and heard before and all of a sudden the person's being able to wire

differently and being able to conceptualize dreams and businesses and ideas that they never have because they

just weren't aware. And I always think about that like what's the prison that we've created for ourself? Yeah.

>> No matter how big your world is or how small your world is, >> it just ends up being that size. And

it's hard to do that if you haven't left your town or met someone outside of your landscape or met someone in a different

career path. I mean, I talk about it all the time. Growing up, I didn't know anyone who looked like me who worked in

media or was on television or worked in any sort of way. I just didn't see anyone. And if you haven't seen it, it's

so hard to experience it or dream to become it because you just think people like you don't do that.

>> Right. Exactly. And that's why I'm really big on normalizing your dreams to yourself. Um because Yeah. Exactly. If

your brain hasn't been exposed to it, it's going to be really hard to honestly even set the goal for yourself to be it

or have it. And you know, I've definitely had people like my business partner and fiance, he he definitely

showed me a lot on the business side of things that I I had never experienced before. I was like, "Wo, there's a whole

different world out there that I didn't even know existed." Um, but then also kind of more in the content creation

space and like meeting people when I did I'm big into moving and I love that you said that if you haven't been outside of

your hometown because for me, um, moving is a just an incredible way to level up your life. Um, and I I love to talk

about the brain also being an association machine. So, the brain loves to make connections and associations

between things. And when you move into a new environment, the brain has no prior associations to anything. It's like it's

a clean slate. And so it's really easy to establish a new identity or sort of new beliefs or a new mindset in a new

environment because your brain has no prior associations to kind of hold you back in that past version of yourself.

And so it's really easy to start a new. Um but yeah, and I I love I love going and putting myself in environments where

I'm being around people or places or things that are expanding my mind. It's a it's an incredible way to uh to level

up in your life and in your mindset and and in your ability to even set goals for yourself because I think for a long

time for me I didn't even know what I wanted to do or be or have I didn't I didn't know like I didn't know any of

it. Um, and so I think exposing myself to that and like when I moved across the country to Miami, I didn't know a single

person there, but being around certain people, I knew I was like, you know, this person, not necessarily do they

resonate with me, but I know that they were brought into my reality to show me what's possible and it really did expand

my mind. So, I'm grateful for that. >> Yeah. How how do we manifest based on neuroscience? How would neuroscience

suggest we do that? >> Yeah. So, I have a three-step process. I love I love [laughter] them.

>> I love them. I love them, too. I know you do. I know you're a three step. >> I love me some steps and making it

simple. Um that goes back to my scientist days. So, when it comes to manifesting, it really is the same thing

for anything that you want. So, the first step is to be is to identify the feelings. Um identify the feelings that

you believe the thing that you want is going to bring you. I always say you don't want the thing that you want. You

want the feeling that you believe the thing that you want is going to bring you. So, for example, if you are wanting

a relationship, then you might the feeling you might be after is to be loved and feel safe and supported. Um,

if you're wanting a whole bunch of money, it might be freedom. Uh, it might be security again, safety and security

and freedom. Whatever it is, right? So, those are a few examples, but whatever it is that you want, write down whatever

it is that you want. And then write down the feelings that you believe those things that you want are going to bring

you. It's super important to identify the feelings. And I get a lot of questions from people like, "What if I

don't know what I want?" If you don't know what you want, um, that's fine. You can still write down the feelings that

you want because I think a lot of times maybe we don't know. And I think a lot of times also we think we know what we

want, [laughter] but we don't really know what we want. Uh, but it really is the feeling that we're after. And so

identify the feelings. That's the first step. Identify the feelings and write them down. Um, and then from there, make

two lists. The first list is a list of reasons why you already have to feel that way. And so for example for me I

actually held a manifestation workshop in my community and I was manif my I always use personal examples so mine was

a million followers on Instagram and I didn't have it at the time and I live on that call I realized oh what I'm really

after is feeling official and accomplished like I want to feel official and accomplished that's really

what I want. Um and so then I identified those feelings right and so then the next step is to write a list of reasons

I already have to feel that way. I think a lot of times again our brain isn't even letting us acknowledge that we

actually can already feel that way in the present. And I was like, I already have this business. I'm coaching people.

I'm changing lives. I have a giant following on social media, even if it's not a million. I have a lot of reasons

to feel official and accomplished already. And writing a list of all those reasons down. And I have people in my

community that they print out their resume and put it in their bathroom mirror, like all of the things that

they've done, right, to make them feel that way. But write down a list of the reasons why you already have to feel

that way. >> That's brilliant. I love that. And then the second list is a list of things,

right? So sometimes people will be like, well, I don't have any reason to feel that way, [laughter]

which to that I would argue to that I would argue try harder. But um there's another list and the list is a list of

things that you can give yourself that you are in control over to feel that way. So if I'm trying to feel official

and accomplished, what can I do today to make myself feel more accomplished? Well, for me, I always feel accomplished

after I complete a workout. >> I always feel like I know that I'm writing a book. I I can go write a few

pages in my book that will help me feel accomplished. Um, and so again, what will help me feel official? I mean, the

definition, what does official mean to me? I guess for me, it's just like, oh, I made it. And I guess that for that I

could go and maybe read comments of people like saying like, oh, you really helped me or whatever it is. So, what

are some activities that you can do to give yourself that feeling? And I think combining the two is important, right?

is again acknowledging all the reasons why you already have to feel that way but then also becoming more aware of

things that you can do in the moment to make yourself feel that way. And when you start doing that and after like 2

months after doing that practice on myself I hit a million followers on Instagram and I I do believe and know

that it shifted my energy right like I'm creating now from a different space of feeling more official and accomplished.

Um, and so I think that that kind of process of identifying the feelings, recognizing all the reasons you already

have to feel that way and then becoming aware of things that you can do to help yourself feel that way even more. When

you start doing that, now you have the feelings that you want already and now you you're in a place where you can also

be detached from the outcome. It's not going to stop you. You should still go and work toward the thing that you're

wanting, right? But that's how you rewire your brain. So that's sort of the neuroscience component. Of course, we

could go way deeper into this and talk about this for hours. Um, but this is sort of like my short condensed

three-step um neuroscience component to becoming a match to whatever it is that you want. And now when you're going and

working toward the journey when I was going and working toward a million followers, now I'm working toward it

with a different energy. I'm working toward it as a match to whatever it is that I want.

>> Yeah, that match piece is brilliant. I love the way you broke that down. I I think we all forget how many difficult

things we've already done and how many amazing barriers that we've already broken through and how many challenges

we've already overcome. And if you just took a moment to recognize that, >> you'd feel so confident because each and

every person who's listening to us has been through hell and back in their own way.

>> And that experience is something we kind of take for granted. We just don't we don't realize how hard it was because to

us it was normal, >> right? we don't recognize just how much beauty there is in it. That's brilliant.

Do you believe that you can miss something if it was meant for you? >> I don't I I don't believe that. Um if

that you can miss something that's meant for you. Um because I think that really we are on this journey to learn lessons

and level up in our own little game of life. And so I I don't believe that. And I think that if there is something that

you think that you missed out on that you believe was meant for you, I think that and I'm a firm believer in divine

timing. So everything happens in divine timing. Maybe not at that time, but it will come around and cycle back. I I

think that also life happens in these sort of cycles um where every time you level up or just, you know, you'll

you'll see the same situation over and over again. So I don't think that you can miss something that was meant for

you. um if you're not a match for whatever it is that you want, I do think that you can miss it. But then in that

case, it wasn't meant for you in that t at that time. >> I think you were talking about how if

you judge someone, you can internalize those same things that you're judging about them. And I really like that you

brought that out because I think one of the other biggest distractions right now is actually jealousy, comparison,

gossip. There's a sense of like we'll talk about the person. And it's what you said was your fear with even becoming

more public and being more vulnerable >> is that people put themselves out there then other people point to them either

make fun of it or call it cringe or whatever it may be and then we don't realize we're actually just setting

ourselves up for failure too because then we're not able to put ourselves out there. Talk to me about what do we do

with feelings of jealousy and comparison when they're so human. They're natural for us all to feel. But how do we

transform them into something actually useful for us rather than something unhealthy?

>> Yeah. I think for jealousy a huge thing that I would do I when I first I don't remember where I learned this from but I

I have a mantra or a statement that I say and when I see somebody with something that I want I say that's for

me. And I think jealousy a lot of time is it is just fear with a mask. It's fear that we can't have it too. It's

fear that this person um can achieve this goal or have this thing and I can't have it and so I'm gonna be jealous of

them. Um and I so and I think that it is sort of a limiting belief and a limiting kind of mindset and behavior to be

jealous of somebody because you're basically telling your brain that you can't have it. Um when whenever you're

jealous of someone, you're basically reinforcing to yourself that's not for me. And so recognizing that that when

you're jealous of someone, you're teaching your brain that's not for me. then you're like, "Oh, wow. Um, I don't

want to do that anymore. I want I don't want to teach my brain." And I think that a lot of times we are shown things

in reality um to see them and and when our brain is triggered by this thing, it's because we actually want it to tune

and it's to be shown something that we can then go and work toward. Um, and so I started saying to myself, that's for

me. And I remember actually when I first moved to Miami and I was on the beach and I went on the beach and there was

this couple having this super romantic like picnic on the sand and I was very single and

um I just I remember looking at them and I I took a video. I was like that's for me and just like being so you

>> took a creepy video [laughter] >> from afar and like that's for me too. And it's it's really cool though because

I think maybe it was about a year later that I'm or less than that actually um that I met my fiance and then we were

both in Florida and we were doing that. So, it's super cool um how that works. So, yeah, I think recognizing that you

don't want to teach your brain that you're limited in that way. Like, teach your brain that that's possible for you,

too. And so, recognizing that that's really what jealousy is, is just fear with a mask.

>> Yeah, I really like the idea of that's for me and the idea that when you are jealous of someone, it's actually saying

that's not for me. >> And that is the emotion that blocks you because and then you justify it. You

come up with so many reasons for why you don't like what that person's doing or so many reasons for why you deserve that

and they don't, but none of that actually motivates you to get out there. How much do you believe that our

matching is feeling we're worthy of something or deserving of something? Like when you say that's for me, that's

you saying like, well, I deserve a love like that. I deserve a picnic on the beach like that. How much how much do we

struggle? What's happening in the brain when we're struggling with feeling worthy or deserving of that?

>> Yeah. Yeah, I think it really is just a a worthiness component to it. And I think that there there are different

components to achieving whatever it is that we want or having whatever it is we want. Like believing that it's possible

is huge, but also believing that you are deserving and worthy of it. Um, and worthiness comes down to self-love and

knowing yourself. Um, and I think self-love really is one of the biggest components to all of this that we're

talking about today and loving yourself. And so, and loving yourself is about more than just like doing self-love

practices. It's also about knowing yourself and knowing who you are and in in the the light parts and also in the

dark parts and and and giving yourself grace and also accepting all that you are and accepting every single piece of

yourself. And so, when it comes to self- loveve, of course, there are so many I mean the first thing on that what I

would say is really your self-t talk and recognizing like what how you're talking to yourself is so important. But I've

seen insane shifts in my own life when I have decided that I'm worthy of something. And a lot of times we don't

again it's sort of that on that same playing field of um getting specific about your fears um like getting

specific about your limiting beliefs and and where where you are limiting yourself. And I think that worthiness is

a big component to that. And so recognizing that you are worthy of whatever it is that you want is so

important. And yeah, I mean, you can of course like make a list of all the reasons why you deserve it and why you

are worthy of it and and that's great, but also like it really can just be a decision to decide that I am worthy of

this. Like I I am worthy of this and I I do deserve it and really like stepping into that and and if if you don't

believe that you're worthy of it, then that's again an area where you can take it all the way to the end and ask

yourself why. Like why don't I believe that I'm I'm worthy of this? and then getting clear on that and getting clear

on your why. And then again, you can rewrite the story from there and and kind of create a new narrative around

whether or not you're worthy of something. But back whenever I was in the PhD, I would go to this temple all

the time and hang out with all these monks. And I got like really close with a couple of them. And I think one of my

greatest takeaways from the time that I spent there and just learning from them and talking to them is that wanting

things, wanting material things um and physical things, whether it's money or a job or a relationship or whatever it is,

that's it's it's not a bad thing. It's it's not bad to want to make more money. It's not bad. It's it's actually like

one of the most spiritual things that you can do is to be abundant because it's that's the state of nature is

abundant. When a tree blossoms with fruit, um it's abundant with fruit. And so you like we are abundant by nature